Slowly descending into madness
My life is very happening. The problem is, it's a bit too much. And I think I lost a very close friend. It wasn't my fault. When it comes to friendship, I do quite well. In friendships, you have low expectations. So, I do quite well. I'm not doing well with the whole incident. I'm 23 years old, I should accept the fact that relationships don't last. But I can't.
One good news: my link offered me hash browns, I told her no. Then I told her, ask me before my period and fuck me up. Dealing with PMDD ain't my forte. Being high to function is the last thing I wanna do. Everything hurts too much. I don't even see any other option.
Yesterday, I talked to Rifat after months. Rather, he talked to me. More like, he vented. He told me, I look like someone who's trying to look too happy. I joked, didn't know I'm so transparent. But we both knew he was right. He was talking about himself then, I felt really seen. He was telling me he's unlovable, and I told him I felt the same. Then he asked me how I do it every day. I told him, I overwork. I keep myself busy. It doesn't always work. At the end of the conversation, I started crying and hyperventilating. So, that was the end of it, I blacked out. That's what a conversation does it to me these days. Can't wait for the day I kill myself. Fuck this shit.