Gone mental

Notes from my Black
Ad 2:
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2022-08-25 07:26:22 (UTC)

At the point of honesty

We learn life lessons sometimes in the same ways, sometimes in poignantly different ways. Sometimes it’s may not be the lesson we are supposed to learn, but our actual take away is the only thing we can focus on.

I grew up in an environment that said lying was ok. My mom lied to my dad. My dad lied to my mom. I was told “don’t tell your father” so many times. In its own messed up way, that was part of our bonding. This passive aggressive getting back at.

As an adult, I’ve tried very hard to not be that person, but it creeps into my habits and my world in ways I don’t see coming and don’t recognize immediately or even sometimes at all.

One more recent experience taught me this lesson too with my friend. I wonder if my honesty made her think less of me. Sometimes knowing that I have faults and troubles is too much I suppose. I’m not perfect and I’m always striving to be a better person.

When my dad died, he had micromanaged his world to the point he made life very much easier for those of us around him- to the best of his ability. It was very kind of him and I know that must have taken a lot out of him at the end. I really don’t feel like I have that ability… to be that organized… to function at that level. I never have.

Did I lose my friend because of this?