Evolving marriage
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2022-08-24 16:39:38 (UTC)

Sex and Women

Dear Diary,

I actually went 2 days without masturbating. Haha, thats a rarity for me since being on hormones, my husband even said "Well why not?" lol as hes gotten used to my libido now. But alas, it was short lived and Im back at it.

So what else is going on? I do know when my libido wasnt as strong I couldnt actually think and do other things as it wasnt so much of a focus. I havent been cooking as much, more like easy dishes or reheat stuff. So I actually made dinner, still an easy one, but we started to go thru the cupboards and see food we need to eat before it expires. So we did a lemon pepper pasta, with butter, lemon juice, seasoning and some canned chicken I needed to use up. Simple but tasty dinner! And I made cookies! Keto Pumpkin Chocolate chip. Yes Pasta isnt keto which is why I rarely eat it, but we needed to use some things up. But the cookies, came out pretty good, just add sea salt on top and let them cool and they taste much better! So Im making a larger batch today to have around for Keto snacks. I am not sure if Im going to make enchiladas or this bean soup with bacon in it tonight, depends on my mood but it will be either of those as I have some ingredients to use up. And I have some over ripe bananas, banana pancakes! Super easy, just mix with egg and some cinnamon and fry in the skillet, very yummy. I love lemon butter on them. Great snack. And then Im making a smoothie, have lots of stuff to make that I need to use up in the fridge.

We are halfway thru the Come As You Are book on sex and women. Super super good book, even my husband agrees. Now we are onto some fascinating stuff about myths and sexuality, such as if a woman is wet, does it mean she wants sex? (answer is No by the way) so if you believe yes, you need to read the book. And it goes over scientific studies and the results of men and women and how the model that has been applied is based off males in the study, although when they conducted the same study with women it was a small percentage or arousal, visual stimuli and what turned women on as opposed to men, etc.

I feel bad, there are several diaries Im reading here, male and female, with bad marriages, either jerks, or no sex or lack of sex, etc. And I just hate to see people in that situation thinking affairs or shutting themselves down sexually are the only options to cope (insert other variations of ways to cope) And I just think, as close as we can be to a person we call our partner, we also know very little about them often times and we often know very little about ourselves.

The book goes over how Medical, Media and Culture/Religious training shape us. How you can look at it like a garden(your sexuality) and how people put things into it when you are born, they tend to it, plant things in it, etc, once we hit puberty, the garden(sexuality) is handed over to us, and its full of some good things from those around us they planted, and its full of some toxic weeds.

I view myself as Im in the stage of redoing my garden, taking out that which I dont like, isnt useful to me, is toxic, etc and now Im planting things I want and like it in it and tending to it myself and loving the results and what I see. (this is in the book also)

Just a yr ago, I didnt feel I had much control over my garden, my husband was the gatekeeper of our sexuality, well I let him be that and dictate when I could go in, what I could do, etc. And thats not true either, Ive busted the gate down!

And now im tending to my garden happily :)

My husband is going to have a rough day, he already came and unloaded on me the min I got up and went to the bathroom, Im all "Woah, slow down, Im just waking up" as sometimes he does this and doesnt have a guage for his dump on me . One bad thing to working at home. He has a problem child on his crew as he puts it, she already got into it awhile ago about performance, and she fought over it, when her numbers are what its based off, and that hasnt changed, so they put her on a pet project(shes full of herself and admits no wrongdoing) so its sort of "Okay let her step up and prove herself, or else shes gonna fail, and this will be in front of the 2 other managers" Well guess what happened? Yep, shes in a meeting but husband isnt the one to write her up, she already started to message him asking whats going on and acting like shes done nothing wrong. And shes using entitlement, race and sex as arguments, sighhh, hate when people pull that stuff, as its not about that, the issue is WORK PERFORMANCE and NUMBERS. Has nothing to do with anything else, my husband even is big on giving underdogs a second chance, but its been backfiring lately, hes too nice. And I told him hes gonna have to be harder. Because some people just continue to do crap , because they can, they get away with it.

Its been a stressful few wks for him in management, but its part of the job and why he gets paid the big bucks as I say.


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