Evolving marriage
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2022-08-19 07:45:46 (UTC)


Dear Diary,
We got in an argument tonight, it was right after sex. I mean literally as hes laying there after cumming, and I asked him what was wrong, and Im so not in the mood to type it all out.

I just know its almost 2am, we stopped hashing it out around 1am, he was tired, has work in the am, and I think we covered everything that needs to be said. But it got nasty, as I dont take kindly to being blown off. One thing in this relationship, if he thinks he can roll over and make me wait while my heart is torn to shreds, umm NO. If Im suffering, so is he, so good luck going to bed babe, deal with it, the sooner you just do it, the sooner its over.

Im in a daze of sorts, I should be asleep, instead Im on the couch, went to wash off my makeup, turn off the lights and things and camped out on the couch with my vibrator to release tension from the arguing. We were having sex, his initiating, even though I knew he was tired and told him to go to bed. Hes under a lot of stress, but he said he wanted to play, I was content to snuggle up against him, and then he started to withdraw just as it was getting started, he did it before sex and after sex, and it fucked with my head, and I just shared with him much of what I wrote about my history, orgasms, relaxing, the book, being super vulnerable, so the behavior really thru me for a loop and hurt. Hes clueless, but you dont lay there stiff after orgasming like something is wrong and your wife is nestled against you kissing your cheek and asking if you are okay and you respond coldly throwing your hands in the air, twice after being asked, he did that, then he goes into self bashing of his performance, which just makes me see why Im having problems orgasming with his critical self stuff, because hes so critical, over himself?? And Im not complaining to him or rating him or any of that, so what gives, its been 20 yrs babe, let this die already! His performance anxiety shit is now rubbing off on me as I have to keep listening to it, and its stressful and doesnt belong in our bedroom time together. Sighhhh, therapy folks, lots and lots of therapy is needed!

So yeah, here I sit, feeling a little groggy, Oh maybe Im ready to fall asleep after all...

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