Evolving marriage
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2022-08-13 13:22:16 (UTC)

Alcohol & Oral

Dear Diary,
Ahhh laying in bed, its early, just after 7am, its cloudy and dark so it makes it feel cozy and earlier since the sunlights isnt peeking through. Im laying here naked, just masturbated all by myself in bed. Husband had to be out the door before 6:30am today. I fell back asleep briefly and had the weirdest dream!

I dreamt I was at some house and went out in the backyard and was walking around the side of the house and there was a tree, a white cat curled up under it, its dark, and a further step is another cat cleaning her kittens, and THEN in the middle of the yard is a Mountain Lion Mamma and her baby. WOW! Shes cleaning the baby and then Im thinking "Oh shoot, if she sees me she might attack me and I try to slowly back up without causing her to notice me. And I make my way back and run the last little bit back in the house.

Now IM going through this house and its almost like a College party house? Young swingers? I really dont know, and I dont know why Im there, Im fully clothed, nobody seems to know me, but they also arent surprised Im there, its like Im renting a room, like an airbnb or something? Im in one room and this guy is fucking a girl and shes on her back and Im in the room too, and they finish and she leaves and he looks exhausted tired and I guess his room is across from this one, he wonders off all out of it from orgasming and shuts the door to his room and Im laying there, but then I hear him, its as if hes jerking himself to make himself go again in his room and hes making noises.

So IM laying in the bed in this room watching tv, but looking for porn to watch, and then I hear this noise, I peer over and its this large shelf unit, deep with a big shelf like my parents use to have, sorta like a big huge deep wood entertainment center, and its the dude, hes on his ass but like a pretzel, hes sucking HIMSELF off, and Im like Woa, I want to look but not be obvious and see how he got his body to contort and bend over like that and hes really going to town on himself. Wow, horny dude! But then all of the sudden there is a female up on the shelf with him and hes fucking her, I end up leaving the room and end up going to a garage door, and its steps down and I peer out back, its daylight now and once again I see the Mountain Lion and her cub! Its a hillside with a great view and they are no longer in this yard but walking the edge of another but I can see and people need to see this! So I want to go in and tell them, so I go up the steps back in the house and I cant get the door to stay shut, there are several doors and they are funky and wont stay closed, and for some reason this is super important and then I hit the garage door opener on accident a couple times, door opening and closing, a girl comes in looking at me wierd and I tell her I cant close it, she said her room is over the garage and its rattling her ass in bed me pushing it. She fixes the door which shuts in a funky way. I got out a side door and once again can spot the Mountain Lion so I run in, there are people, young, college age, rowdy having a good time and I tell them, this dude comes out in these speedos and says "Man this stuff just happens when you are here!" And we walk down a side path in the yard to view them closer but another yard there is a coyote and her baby, and the yard has sheep and its like Uh Oh, and then next thing you know a wolf or some animal has the Mamma Mountain Lion and her cub, they are locked together by teeth and Im all oh shoot! And we run back to the house because the animals start to charge our direction. When I get back, I say "Oh my gosh babe isnt that amazing?" and realize I just said babe to some random dude, I also notice a small child in the yard and I yell "There should be no kids out here!" and I get this little kid and put him on a platform, hes glued to me, but now the dude in the speedos is literally fucking his girl on the platform and shes saying "Oh yes babe!" and IM all Wow, this is different, these people just like to fuck as wild animals are around them?

And then Im in the hotel in Vegas, with my youngest son and some girl, maybe his gf, and we are all high, and I see this vendor of cookies and things and said we have to get some but I dont have my purse, so we head for the elevator, but I also dont have my room card or anything, and I say that and that I cant remember what room number I am or the code and we start hilariously high laughing in the elevator,,, and then I woke up! Super weird dream!

Now lets rewind back to Friday. Got all ready for dinner, a tan cool skirt I got, black top and my hair up and spilling down around my face. Red lipstick, and we were taking a bottle of wine tonight and paying the corking fee, have never done that but the wine we had last time was pricey just a glass, and we have all these wines from Wine Tasting trips in the past, we still had some from the start of us being married. So this one was a 10 yr old bottle of cabernet from the beach town we go town every year.

We are known here, the chef comes to the table and talks to people and his family works there, they know us by name, we know almost all the servers, great family! They even comped us a dinner on the house once! This place is part of why we moved here as we ate here while visiting our first time finding yelp reviews and we were impressed, and we would come back a time or 2 a yr, stay a wknd and eat there. Its beautiful here too, but the restaurant was the big pull, we went for an anniversary trip just to eat there, Mind you we lived half a days drive away. So we would get airbnbs, stayed in one more then once and loved it.

So we have the nice table that is more secluded from the others which I like, and we have our wine and banter, and we are talking about sex, more of sex and the church, sex and those in purity culture, and men on these forums who are clueless, just want their women horny or to perform various kinky acts, but the guys are lame themselves, way to eager to find a magic way to make their wives do something. Meanwhile the women are so emotionally and mentally scared from the bible teaching of purity and not making men stumble, so you go from total purity and shame and guilt heaped on you type teaching to marriage and then all the sudden they expect you to have sex like a porn star? Its bullshit, and if you havent been around it, its hard to understand. And theres a bunch of women trying to be submissive wives, who are riddled with guilt trying to be good wives but confused and hurt by their husbands pressure and desires for all these various sex acts, when their women arent even in touch with themselves sexually as it it, many never having had an orgasm, many opposed to oral sex totally and think its digusting, on and on.... so yeah, that was dinner convo! And husband can drink, I had 2 glasses, but small not even have the wine glass, thats my max. He finished the rest of the bottle, and hes really talky now and using lots of expletives, his voice getting more loud and animated, I had to tell him twice to shhhh, quiet down and then said it was time to go. We are in walking distance to eat but had to drive a tiny bit.

We get home and continue or convo on the couch. Meanwhile I got a last min booking for the vacation rental for 4 nights and they are coming in late so I have to turn on the lights for them before we stay in for the night, and then I get a text for a city meeting last min monday, can I make it? Yes, I can

And we park ourselves on the couch and continue our convo, its fun for a bit, and Im feeling sensual, whats new? And I told him first How beautiful his penis is and his piercing and that I was reading up on it and they say its the most esthetic pleasing male piercing and beautiful, and how it creates sensation for both the male and female, which I know but havent really thought about it as of late because its normal for us but its amazing, I start there, then we are in the room and I say Im warm need to turn on the AC and he says "Your always warm" I came back in, laid across his lap on the couch and put my face next to his ear, and whispered really close so my lips were touching "You make me warm" Now Im sitting next to him side by side pressed up to him on the couch with our legs spread out together and a blanket, and I tell him I want to kiss him, I want to make out, but instead he sticks his tongue out, not in a sexy way, ahh cmon, I get about 3 kisses but not a makeout kiss, and we laid there, he started to venture off with the tv, ugh, its friday, we just had a nice dinner, Im all done up, hes leaving all day Sat, he didnt take my advances thurs eve, ahhh cmon babe

And I start to get in my head, as Im coming onto him but hes not biting. So hes not interested. Sigh

At some point he asks me whats up and i tell him "This isnt the party I wanted to have" hes all "What does that mean?" I said "A sexy party" as I talk about our wknds being our private party relax time together. He got sorta irritated in tone with me and then asks "What is it you want to do?" but you know kinda annoyed, not sexy in tone, and clinical talking, and he wants me to lay out specifics, I said "Something sexy, Ive been coming onto you, heck make out with me on the couch" and you know what, he didnt even remember me whispering in his ear at all when I laid out what I had done as he said I didnt give any cues? By that point, Im like "You drank too much, know your liquor babe" he isnt good at regulating himself, always overboard, and its a reminder once again of why we dont drink often, and if we do, a glass is best. Im becoming more and more bleh about drinking, it can be fun but it messes with your blood sugar, can give me a headache, not good for my diet, hangover, and we have had some bad arguments way in the past on nights of drinking. Edibles are different, he can function, no whiskey dick, no "Im too tired", no hangover and puking at night from having too much. And hes nicer with edibles, alcohol make him talk a lot and get thinky but he can also get a little mean also. So I was getting anxious and nervous, plus I grew up in an alcoholic home and my Dad was one till the day he died. And that feeling of eggshells that happens and tension, well I was triggered and right there. Told husband and luckily he cooled down and held me and kissed me, we held hands, so thankfully we were able to turn the tide and not argue and deal with what was at hand. He told me he was low energy and tired, which he said the nite before, and that he wanted to work with me somehow, it felt strange, but he then just says "How about I go down on you? You lay down on the couch" I mean, uuuhhh, uhh, hmmm what can I say but YES? This has been an area between us that needs some change, hes rarely gone down on me our entire relationship, but remember I was the same way with oral, until hormones, so since the end of last yr Ive been all over my mans cock. Hes had more blow jobs to last a lifetime now, and so Ive stepped up my game bigtime. Ive tapered back a little just for a matter of principal of reciprocation. Its way imbalanced and he knows it and has said that and that he needs to do better. I think he feels some insecurity also, but I just said "Go with it, enjoy it" I asked if I could clean up real fast, he said sure and I asked him if he wanted to with me, I would reciprocate, he said "No this is all about you tonight, not me" well okay then!

I got on the couch, sitting up and he laid down in front of me, the couch is long enough so he can lay out fully with his knee from surgery since he cant bend down well still. Its going to be several mos Im sure with therapy. And he had brought the vibrator in and sat it next to me. I didnt grab it, I just wanted to feel his tongue, nothing more. He said "I know Im not the best at this and maybe not the best you ever have, but I want you to know how much I love your pussy, how beautiful it is and how wonderful it tastes and how sexy you are and I may not express this enough and that is my fault and Im sorry" okay now hes making me fucking want to cry and going down on me, Im fine and happy and crying in a good way as hes licking my clit.

He wants to put his finger in me, which I dont mind but not so fast and Ive told him that, its not as soft and smooth as his tongue and let me just enjoy that alone first, and I enjoy and moan, and he licks and at one point we talk, he asks me if I like long strokes or focused (FOCUSED!) and things like that, he kept trying to use the finger and said "Its so hard for me not to use my finger, I just want to put it inside of you" I said that would be okay but how about just put it in but dont do anything for the moment, he gets off greatly fingering, he said since he was young its one of his fave things is putting his finger inside a woman. So I met him halfway and he went to town some more and well, I didnt orgasm, I was in pure bliss, and enjoyed every min of it till he said his neck was getting to tired. He is not bad, he just needs to really get in there and get passionate about it, stronger licking, pressing his tongue into me, but I can be patient and allow him to improve as long as he practices :) TO which we continued with the vibrator on the couch and I let him finger me. I did end up orgasming that way and we laid there, hes telling me how beautiful I am and how sexy I am and how he loves me. And I then he said "Why dont you come to the bedroom and to the edge of the bed" I said as long as its your cock only, he said "Yes maam" and he came up against me and fucked me on the edge of the bed (remember nothing was gonna happen, hes low energy and all that?) He looks so good to me, staring up at his arms and broad shoulders looking down on me, the visual in this position I love and I tell him how sexy he is and he tells me how sexy I am to look down on like this and how much he loves this position, its become our new go to this year. Hes standing at the edge of the bed and my legs are spread and Im on my back, but then he moved my bra, laid down against me, pressed against me, sucked my breast and kept moving, HEAVEN! He felt so good and then we are talking, I love yous, how good you feel and close, face to face with one another kissing. And then I just really got into it, I can make him cum quickly, and I wanted him too, I just have to move against him, speed up my tempo and yesss, he pulled out and came on my abdomen, and we got up and I held him from behind and kissed his back, and we quickly got into bed, I new he had an early morning and needed to get to sleep. Hes spooning me, arm around me saying "I love you darlin" my fave phrase of his to me.

And he went to sleep, I was up a tiny bit more but passed out listening to a podcast, I didnt brush my teeth, take my progesterone, wash of my makeup, my nighttime routine, I passed out until around 5am. Hate falling asleep with makeup on, bad for your skin, and so I was up taking my progesterone, washing my face and brushing my teeth at 5am

And here I am, with a day to myself, naked in bed, and its dark and cloudy and sexy moody feeling. :)

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