Gentleman ♀

Cute Crochet And Talking With Olivia

Hi,

Ummmmmmmm... I don't really have anything to talk about rn... I did some more crocheting which is cool! I made this little octopus (in the photo) first, the cat blob thing that looks like if professor inkling was a weeble wobble second, and that cute little mushroom last. Can you guess what my favorite color is? I know, I'm so mysterious XD. You know, at first I didn't really like crocheting. The only reason I tried again after not being able to even make a square, is because I begged my mom to get me some yarn and hooks (because she wouldn't let me use hers even though she only uses them like once a year for this blanket she's been working on for like 4 years). It's been four days and I've made three things. One per day except for the day I ran out of yarn lol. I thought my old yarn was soft but goddamn this mushroom I made with my new yard is HEAVEN. I was begging my dad all day to take me up to Michaels to get yarn and now that I have it I'm so happyyyyyyyyy! I've been thinking about things to make but I honestly don't know anymore lol. I'll probably make a thing or two for some friends or family I guess. I wanted to make a mushroom for Emma and maybe a Strawberry for Riley since she's into what I like to call the "strawberry milk aesthetic" rn. It's pretty much pastel, pink, strawberries, and hello kitty. That sort of cutesy stuff. I only have black, white, and pink right now though so my options are limited lol... Wait a sec, I don't have green! Aw man! I was looking forward to ittttt. Oh well, I'll have to beg my parents for it some other time lol.

I've been excessively antisocial lately so when I'm not crocheting, hanging out with my guinea pig, or being yelled at by my mom to go outside, I've been making my own keychains. I use shrink plastic, a hole punch, and a rediculous amount of sharpies. Since the shrink plastic is see thorough I just tape it onto my computer screen and trace it. I swear I can draw, it's just easier to trace lol. I've never really been one to hide my interests so I have lots of... questionable (to some simple-minded folk) keychains. I have two subtle bakudeku ones, two openly catradora ones, btw these are ship names if you didn't know lol, the AO3 logo cause whos gunna know that doesn't go on there themselves, the toy duck from nightmare before Christmas, some gay shit, Rainbowdash and Pinkiepie, and some other, less notable stuff. I like to match them with my outfits. Recently, however, I've noticed my lack of keychains that arent rainbow- . As a result! I've decided to suck it up and make one of every color I could need. Red, pink, orange, tan, yellow, dark green, mint green, dark blue, light blue, dark purple, light purple, brown, black, and white/grey. I googled them all as different aesthetics or drawings and picked my favorites that I'll have to draw. It'll be a lot of work but I genuinely like making these and it'll be worth it when I don't have to be upset about the lack of keychains to match my outfit. Watch me suddenly loose all interest in wearing the keychains after all that work- >M<

Did I ever tell you that Olivia's gender fluid now? Idk if I did but either way she doesn't seem very committed to it- . Like, they decided that they wanted to go by any pronouns and be referred to as Koda but they only respond to Olivia and never correct anyone who messes it up and openly seems uncomfortable when called Koda. Plus, we're just too young to be commited enough to try and change our name. I'm all for experimenting but you should not be allowed to change your name/gender before you can drive a car you know? I have friends that are trans though and I don't knowwwww. I fully support them but I personally think that you should wait a bit longer to make it so official. Is that not fully supporting? I DON'T KNOWWWW! I feel like a bad friend. I'm way off topic though. The reason I brought this up is because Olivia texted me today and asked if she could tell me something. I said of course and she told me that Koda wasn't the original name she wanted. She said she was set on Onyx but Vinny laughed at her when she said it so she just went with the name he chose. I think he has too much power over her tbh. He's such a nice kid but he can be such an asshole! Like the time he told me that my haircut looked horrible, or when he started dating Athena and told no one making her think he was embarrassed of her, or the time that he told Olivia that her mom probably didn't want her since she was from a one-night stand sort of thing. Like what the actual fuck!? I assured them that Onyx was an awesome name though, cause it is, and they thanked me. I love them so much but sometimes I feel like my advice doesn't actually help them or they don't really appreciate it... She's just as anxiety-filled as I am though so I think we'll be alright.

It's the next day now and I just don't know anymore... All I want to do is sleep! A few summers ago I was having week-long sleepover marathons but this summer I've had maybe three sleepovers. I just can't- that's it, I just can't. My mom thinks I'm not taking my pills but I am. They just don't work. I guess I'm just in a mood this summer. It's kinda like I'm back where I started in this diary. I'm just wishing for something more in life. An adventure that makes it worth it to get out of bed. Maybe someone to make it worth it to get out of bed? Anything really. I've just been in my room for the past week at least. I don't go out except for meals or when my mom yells at me to go outside. I'm always either about to fall asleep or so angry I want to cry. I have so many passions like drawing and now crocheting but I can't even find the motivation to do that today. I just don't know anymore. Why am I like this?

You know, today was good. It's the next day now btw. I woke up early, took a cool shower, watched some Jacksepticeye, and then went shopping with my mom. Hailey was at cedar point with Gianna the whole day so it was just us. I got these REALLY nice jeans from plato's closet as well as a few shirts. Then we went to target and got even more shirts and pants. And after that we went to the mall and got an entire outfit from hot topic!!! We might even order some more things off of amazon. My mom's the best (except for when she takes my door off its hinges lol). After all of that, we got Aladins and went home to watch Lights Out. It's such a good movie. The concept, the exicution, the scares. An underrated masterpiece, worthy of my overdramatic scream! Once that finished we watched a few episodes of Bob's burgers and I stayed up 'till 2 AM organizing my closet and drawers. I'm so glad I got out of the house.

While I was organizing the drawers actually, I was texting Olivia. Nothing specific, I just asked her if we could talk and she said yeah. We talked about shopping and school and stuff but I was admittedly in the mood for some deeper conversation than this basic shit so I asked her if she was switching it up this year. I figured that it might sound offensive so I made sure she knew I wasn't trying to be rude and that I was just asking because I'm pretty sure I'm gunna change it up. She understood my non-rudeness but asked what I meant by changing it up. I told her that I honestly didn't know. Personality-wise, style-wise, anything really. She told me she wasn't sure and that I should just be myself. I agreed and somehow she ended up saying that she couldn't be herself because of her parents. I told her that those braindead bumholes could kiss our asses if they didn't want to support her and she reluctantly agreed. She told me how her parents didn't believe her when she came out as bi and that she hasn't told them much since. I advised that she just wait those toesuckers out and said that even if it was a phase, when has pushing back ever helped anyone? She agreed again.

She told me that it's been pretty hard for her to open up to people since that and how all her "friends" from a while back had left her. I told her that they were assholes and that she's too good for them UuU. She thanked me and I told her not to thank me for telling the truth. I said that anyone who hurts my friends can kiss my ass. I mayyyy have lightly thrown Vinnys name in there as well... I said that I love him but he stresses me out so much. He's such a nice kid and yet such an asshole! She agreed and said that she wished he'd open up to us. I said that her reasoning was valid too but that I wanted him to stop being so randomly mean to everyone. Especially her! Olivia assured me that it was fine and that she was still alive, yada yada, but I was still pissed off about Vinny. That bitch needs to get a grip. Like, you know how I had plans with him the other day? Well that morning he sends the group chat a selfie of him on a GODDAMN PLANE!!! Like wtf Vinny? But anyway, we got on the topic of Vinny and Olivia being a thing really quickly but Olivia had to go before the conversation got anywhere. After that I finished putting my clothes away, and that brings us to now. It's literally 4 AM so I should probably sleep now. Goodnight!!!

~ Gentleman