Evolving marriage
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2022-08-06 16:09:28 (UTC)

My Story Pt 3 File for Divorce

I started this Diary out to write my story, I did the first 2 entries and then veered off and have mixed some of my story along the way. So the last Story of my life entry was Things Start to Crumble, my second entry on here. I left off with my first marriage and meeting a guy online and leaving after a fight with my husband being in a hotel with that guy making out and he came in his pants on the bed while I was grinding him.

That wknd he took me to the beach and we sat on the rocks and he took me for my first drink of alcohol. I sipped it, it was okay, I would have done better with a fruity girly drink, a Margarita or something, he got me a Jack and Coke or something like that. At 25, I tasted alcohol for the first time and just had a sip. I didnt drink because of my Dads alcoholism and being in church and my friends it played into my anti drinking stance.

So things did not get better at home, they just got worse, and one night I told my first husband I had a place to go, he said "Oh really?" and I said I could stay with the guy, he got on the phone and called him with me sitting there, point blank saying "My wife says she can come stay with you!??" and the guy said "No" and my heart was shattered, I felt I had an out, and he told me I could stay and now he said No? I was defeated, sitting there on the couch. I was early 20s, 2 small kids, stay at home mom, what could I do?? I was trapped. (Later the guy told me he was caught off guard my first hub calling and lied as he didnt know what to say) but it made me feel like shit and that he wouldnt stand up for me, so it sorta killed my admiration for him. He wasnt a bad guy, but he wasnt the guy to help me get out either. He was so, umm, whats the word? Not the kinda guy I would have been happy with. A little heavy, bald, more redneck in the negative sense, he had issues and he drank and acted stupid when he did (We met up way later as friends for a night at a piano bar and he was a total ass and I never saw him again as a friend)

My first hub and I rented a house, I loved it, had been there many yrs, cheap rent, great backyard, and then we started house hunting, we could afford a lower priced home, first time buyer programs, no money down and we found a place, our mortgage, taxes and ins payments were under $500!! all together, that was back when the market was super low. And we bought a house, I was scared and my mom and big sis came over to sit with first hub and I about my apprehension since our marriage was rocky and what if things didnt work out? I wanted to stay in the rental because I knew I could get a min wage job and still afford it on my own if we split. He agreed if we got the house hed let me and the kids stay if things didnt work out.

We lasted 1 yr together in that house. And it was more the treatment of the kids who were little, when we fought, he would go in their bedroom, sit on the floor between their beds and cry and wake them up to make them give him sympathy(it was fucked up, they were little!) he would beat them with a wooden battle and I can just hear my son saying "no no daddy, no paddle" and he would antagonize them, with tickling, which he did to me all our relationship, he would pin me down and tickle me so much I hated it, it was more sadistic and Id beg him to stop and not be able to get out from under him and Id end up freaking out and sobbing until he stopped, then hed stand up and say "Your no fun" and leave me laying there all emotionally a wreck wondering what the fuck just happened?

He was doing that to our kids and they would be asking him to stop and one day I walked in and said "STOP, he asked you to stop" and he said "Dont you tell me what to do" all angry

I knew I didnt want my kids to grow up seeing this as normal in a household and that a wife will be treated this way and tolerate it, so it was my biggest motivating factor to finally take action. I met with a parallegal and got the paperwork to file for divorce, but had no idea when or how, I figured I had to figure things out, find my own place first, etc as he would never leave the house as promised. Im the one who wanted out of the relationship. Not him.

At that time, he was working on a job site and ended up meeting the wife, talking to her about me and got me a job. That became my job for many yrs, good people, good job, benefits (my ex hub didnt even have benefits)

So now I had an income, I was part time at first and it wasnt a lot, but it gave me something and I sold things online to supplement.

I saved up $$ in a private acct for the legal fees.

We had been having sex all during that time and he really wanted to get me pregnant, he wanted a girl, he kept saying what he would name her and "Dont you want a little girl?" Id say "Our marriage is a wreck, why would you have a child right now??" but it was more trying to keep me I know, get me pregnant and trapped. Thankfully I was more careful during that time. I had tried anal twice with him during that time, and I was wanting to be able to give a blow job, but never did, when he came it was a lot, and I didnt like the taste, so I made a deal, Id start, it was my first time to devote to it, and I just asked that he wouldnt cum in my mouth, and guess what happened? He came in my mouth without warning. I was really pissed off an angry, I had no trust in him, I felt exploited in more ways then just that, he didnt respect my boundaries, was a horn dog all the time, trying to get me to have sex all the time in the middle of the night, I mean trying for an hour! touching me and me pinching my arms to my sides and my legs together hoping hed stop, and eventually Id often just relent or get turned on as hed grab a massager and stick it between my legs. It wasnt a healthy sex life, it wasnt balanced. Yes we had sex, yes I had orgasms, yes I had pleasure, but I wasnt there totally and I did NOT feel romantic love connection, you know the times where you have intimate sex, I love yous, slow making love, I didnt feel those times or looking in one anothers eyes, etc. It didnt feel like that.

Meanwhile he had been talking to some chick, not sure if I covered that in my earlier post, online, and found out he had her sending mail to his job, she sent him a christmas gift and a letter and he let me read it and in it she said "I want to go camping with you, I want to love you and your kids" and Im all WTHELL??? WHat is going on here, this isnt normal talk, why is she saying this? (My ex liked to use jealousy, it made him feel desired with me) I fed into it back then. I demanded he call her and break it off. He did and then ended it with some phrase making it sound it wasnt over, and I was so pissed he tossed that in.

But of course he said they had never met, just talked on the phone, or the 2 times gay guys appeared, one at his door, and one at a job site, but he said they hit on him, he didnt do anything, or that time he went to work training when we dated and said he didnt sleep with the woman at the bar who gave him her room #, said he couldnt do that to me, or the time he fucked a dude in the ass, that one he did confess to me when we dated for money to keep his trailer but it backfired. Or the time his coworker, who was getting the mail for him, showed up at our door in jeans and a bikini top saying "I want some of his salsa" it was so awkward and strange, she was trashy, rail thing, not a pretty face, rough looking, but they got along well, she was the secretary of the co he worked for. SHe was the one getting the mail for him, he was telling her what was up with us, I didnt know. SHe bought his truck, the one I fucked the stick shift on and she knew it, which I found weird that he told her and she wanted to buy it.

She ended up leaving that job and was working at the place he got me the job at(thats more story for another time) When a woman walks into your office at work and congratulates you on your email you wrote your ex letting out all your upset sexually and about things that happened and she comes in saying "IM glad you sent that to him" WTFUCKKK???? What?? I had no idea and she felt okay to come tell me this??! I didnt trust her. Worked beside her for yrs, but never trusted her, still dont, wont facebook her or any thing, have her on block and am glad she missed the reunions for work.

So there was this time right after Christmas my kids went to spend time with my sis and we had a few days alone and one night in bed he said "Are you happy?" and I said "No" and he said "Why are we prolonging this?" and he got up, packed a bag and left!??? I was shocked, it was going to be that easy??!! I called my Mom, I filed the paperwork for divorce, my mom came over and changed the door lock the next day. (My mom was so awesome!) I didnt ask her to do that, she came and did it. My ex hub was staying at a cousins he said down near a job site a few hrs away he said. Meanwhile I remember laying on the couch and feeling so good, I could breath, not have him around, it felt like a weight was off me. He then went to his Moms several hours away and had the kids with him for that trip. I had to get him served which was difficult, so my Mom agreed to do it and I drove with her 4 hrs! And ducked in the vehicle and she walked up to the door and served him, with his Mom present and my kids (Yeah ouch I know) but I had no way to do it as he had no address or home and I never knew where he would be. I came to find out, he had been trying to meet that chick online and who sent mail, he claimed that 2 wks when he left that he was trying to meet her and that she had him driving around and wouldnt tell him the address, just the st, not sure if thats true, but I ended up being catfished (way before that term exsisted) by a guy I thought I was talking to online about my marriage, it was HER, luckily she messaged me on yahoo with a request and the name was her name, not the guy and I knew right away what was going on, and stopped talking, but thought it was really a dude I was confiding in about my marriage and it hadnt been too overly flirty or sexual talk yet, it was building.

So that was why he was eager to leave the house, but I dont think he thought of divorce or anything like that.

And there begins the yrs of back and forth, divorce, legal separation, amending papers, meeting with various pastors with him, God does not want divorce, me being torn, another pastor, Ex hub crying saying hes done wrong, but then the min we walk out of the session hes a pig horn dog in the parkinglot again. We did not live together again after he packed his bag that night, we did try to reconcile, he did spent the night, but he didnt live with us, it wasnt his place anymore, as my lawyer told me "DId he pack a bag, does he have an address?" and said I was free to change locks and he cant just walk in when he wants, its like a renter situation at that point.

So that was that,

BUT what happened when he left? I was up online late at night and my Military guy friend who Id chatted with for yrs was on, this was late, and he was in town, about 2 hrs from me for 24 hrs, and we agreed to meet late halfway, at a Dennys, and we did, he was handsome, sat across from me, wanted to watch the door at all times, was sorta like that kinda guy on alert. We just talked, life, whatever. And then we got in his vehicle and went for a drive and we ended up parking on this hilltop, more talking, we had talked so many nights, late, about God, faith, his life, my situation, etc. I did care for him as a friend, we werent just horny people meeting up as we hadnt really talked like that before. We were friends. We ended up kissing and lightly making out in his front seat. And dont ask me what came over me, it was a one off in my yrs before my now husband. But I leaned over and gave him a blow job. I think I wrote about this before on here somewhere. But I made him cum and I still wasnt eager for it in my mouth because of ex, but it happened and I sorta had it on my hands and not sure what to do with it, haha. He didnt know, I think he thought I swallowed? But I needed a napkin, towel, something which he didnt have, he had windex! Haha and I ended up cleaning up my hands, I can remember the smell of windex. ANd we stood on that hill top, in the dark, against his vehicle, he pulled out a cigg and said "YOu dont want to get messed up with me" and I said "I already am" and had my arms wrapped around him from behind. TIme was running out, he had to get a flight out, we drove down the hill, I starred at a stop sign and tears were in my eyes, I knew I wouldnt see him after this, it would be it, his job he couldnt speak of and went off to foreign places for periods of time. And he didnt express us to be something more, although I would have been totally up for it. And with that, we said goodbye. He did write me letters, and the first one he asked for a pair of my underwear. I got offended by that, pissed actually, I wasnt his gf, and he didnt deserve to have that I felt and he came across a bit of a creep to me after my horny ex. So I blew him off on that. But I did continue to write him and even sent him a birthday package of just stuff to amuse himself while he was deployed, games, goodies, etc And that was that. We went back to our strange friendship, late night chats once a yr or so, and phone calls, wed chat for hrs, hed ask how I was, etc

And well, guess who invited me to a party right after that? My now husband. :) ANd well we know how that went!