The Queen

An online journal for today

Soymaya Etoujis prompts list
1 why am I here
Because i used to be on this site and IG it's nice to know someone else can read your words. The question isn't why do you journal. So I'll keep this to this .
2 who am I
I'm a creation of Allah, and i worship Him to the best of my capability.
I'm a citizen of Karachi and I've had peaceful ties with it's people if because I'm anti social, except I've had a row with some men because i seek who are avoidant of me.
I'm an internee unpaid employee at the appforgers.
I'm a daughter to a father who has difficulty connecting idk to women or humans in general. I'm not sure if i want to be saying this.
I'm a daughter to a wonderful beautiful mother who will only want for others what she likes. IG because there is this connection or maybe too much therapy posts just make me think of my parents as children.
I'm the elder sibling to two. One tries to maintain a connection. The other i cut off long ago because I felt betrayed or something.
I'm a 2022 march bachelors in software engineering graduate.
To my relatives I'd be nothing because some speak extra, they suggest what they think is good, cultural toxicity too much.

3 do when not being watched
Sit in my planty area.
Watch sunrise and sunset, photograph.
Zombie scrolling Instagram.
Journaling
Trying some tutorial on one of adobes tools.
Learning figma or illustrator.
Making something in Photoshop.
Doing morning or evening adhkar.
Rarely reading Quran.
Rarely having the confidence to go to the mall alone and buy or eat.
Cooking in the kitchen. 🍜 Omelette 🥪
Talking to friends.
Chatting with friends online.
4 compare 2 n 3 what's missing
Something would be missing when there'd be who am I and who i want to become. 😒
5 most authentic self with
My sibling mostly.
Allah
And a friend and another.
6 intention
Arrange my cupboard
Clean fan blades
Keep my desk clean
(How to get unstuck in completing figma tutorial)
Try tutorials on illustrator.
7 negative beliefs about Allah
It's difficult to think of this area and i choose not to force myself.
8 true beliefs regarding those things
9 feeling now
My lower limbs feel itchy because mosquito bites.
It's 7 12 i wish there was something savory since i wish is inappropriate. I'll go make something savory.
Been feeling unproductive.
Slept at 4 35 am and woke up at 5 45ish because power cut offs.
Tired, drained because i even tho have been to 3 interviews, 1st i didn't have any portfolio to showcase. 2nd the interview went good. I got selected. I already had red flags coming in my face. And later in selection my throat it did a somersault and it was VERY NOTICABLE. And also my dad didn't approve of the place. Tho that agency would've kept on 10,000 as an internee. Yet fate. 3rd downright degraded my work yet still wanted to keep me.
And this remote it's my lack of communication. After Eid they didn't inform after how long they'd give work. Being in the dark just keeps me in stress.
And then the last posters i made. I didn't even get any remarks. August is the last month. And i should be applying at more places.
Last i applied 6 days ago yet 6 June was the last proper I'd say sth call interview I'd where they asked me to sth and i actually liked this idea of theirs.
10 what to do to feel better
It's all messed up.
First i should fix my sleeping routine. The power cut offs just drive me nuts. It's quite ugly i should manage my sleep according to electricity cut off schedules.
I've seen this hack of ( i started browsing through hunza scented candles and i slept) for mosquitoes repellent citronella cedar wood.
11 grateful for
12 proud of
13 today as a masterpiece
14 doing what
15 with whom
16 feel how
17 look like what
18 what to do to get there

Some post i read on IG long ago
Plan:
1 write everything down
2 identify priorities
3 do a brain dump
4 organize to do list
5 take time to reflect
6 stay flexible
Journaling:
1 what you love
2 what you hate
3 what's in your head
4 what's important