Never Broken
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2022-08-03 12:11:55 (UTC)

Time Marches On

I am not quite ready to answer feedback on this site, or any other, but I will be soon, I think.

I have tried to keep my mind busy, in between bouts of sleep, some drugged and some not. I know there is a reason for things that happen in this world. Many Christians believe that we should thank God for the good as well as the bad. I confess to not being there at the moment. I confess to wanting to rail at God and tell Him what a rotten bastard He is. I confess to wanting to, but I also confess to my father’s temper. I flare up, get white hot, cool down, then forgive. I think God is a big enough deity and He can take my anger, my frustration and my questions. He is a God of infinite love, but also a God worthy of fear. Something worthy of so much aw and fear certainly can handle the ranting of one very perturbed mere mortal, right?

The witch, AKA my ex-wife, has not been much help. I wasn’t expecting it, but I was hoping to be surprised. One can always hope, right? Now that Constance isn’t around to temper her, she feels she can once again rule my world. I disagree. I think she is quite surprised that I have told her no, I do not want to do that and no, I don’t want that put there. I don’t think she was expecting me to actually refuse her anything, since I confess to not being good at this in the past. At least, not without C there to back me up. It takes a lot to get me truly angered, and a lot of S’s maneuverings and machinations I just let roll right off my back. When she trips the final circuit however, all bets are off. I am not a violent man, though I feel violence stir within sometimes, and I, the older I get, do not hold with violence as an answer. Unless we are talking about freeing Ireland from British oppression, or other such places round the world, then I will gladly make an exception if the situation is warranted.

I finally had my long wait to see the orthopedist end. Twenty-two months I waited only to have him tell me to try physio before surgery. I have been doing the physio exercises for my injuries for over a year, but ok, I’ll be a good patient and play along. I will go back at the end of September and I’m sure I will get a surgery date, though it might be a year in the future. I’ll expound more on my injuries and rotten state of health at a later time. I have run out of things to say.

The dogs are at play, the television is on and I am just trying to figure out how to get through yet another day without her. Ach, but she would not want me to dwell on my sadness and anger. She would want me to overcome it, to transcend. I’m trying, dear Constance, I’m trying.