Evolving marriage
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2022-07-29 17:13:55 (UTC)

New Toy & Crazy Dream

Dear Diary,
I wanted to write first thing this am, as I had a bad dream, totally strange and it woke me up and I yelled for my husband to come in. I have no idea where on earth the dream came from. I havent ever used the photo feature on here before, going to try and post a pic of the "Baron" mentioned later on in this entry. Its not my photo just a random one on the net, so the other toys arent mine, but the Baron is the reddish orange one on the right

I dreamt I was getting on a train but that the train had small compartments you had to crawl into and I had thrown a bag of stuff, they were games into the compartment, there was some guy there who was holding the door open but the train started to pull away and I had already thrown my things in and the guy was trying to help grab them back for me as I would miss the train and my stuff would be in it.

Next thing you know, Im in a hotel room but with my childhood guy friend C, the guy whos place I was just staying at in my hometown. I went to take a shower, and my clothes were on a chair in the room, well my Dad showed up at the door. Oh shoot, this isnt going to look good I thought. Mind you when we were kids my Dad in real life threatened C to not ever touch me (He just told me this about 4 yrs ago) and had him in the garage and showed him all his hunting knives and how he killed a deer, in graphic detail and told him if he ever touched me hed do the same to him. C has never touched me by the way. He was terrified, scared to even come over to my house for yrs and I never knew this. Never knew my Dad did this, out of all the guys in my life, he was the nicest guy, meanwhile my sis and I married young and met our husbands at 16 and they were totally controlling abusive jerks and he didnt try to scare them off?

Anyways back to my dream, I had to open the door in a towel and peek out and ask for my clothing and knowing this wont go over well. But now C is not in the dream, a woman walks in instead of my Dad, she has dark curly hair and a nose ring, but Im referring to her as my Grandmother M (who I never knew, she died before I was born, my Dads mother and whos homestead Im now in the care of)

She came in and said she was going to declare me mentally unfit and have full control over me as an adult? She is walking towards me and Im in the towel and I felt this rage inside of me and I told her she wasnt doing anything such thing and shes a fucking bitch, my foul words just came out (I dont talk that way in real life) SHe came over and grabbed at my breast naked and said "I will make sure your mother dies and I will take all of your families money" and I literally woke up at that point, just jolted awake. It was the most bizarre dream. My husband said "No more sex for you" when I said "Where on earth did that come from??" he was joking of course.

Wow, that dream was all over the place, so many people changing in and out and then it was supposed to be my grandma but wasnt, and so many people deceased alive (Mom, Dad, Gma M)

Thats a lot to unpack but wanted to jot it down before I forgot about it

So lets go onto last night.

Husband and I went out to the french restaurant, had a nice dinner, only 2 couples in the place, food was great as usual. And then to finish off, we went to the Snow cone cart, they are fancy ones, and sat down together outside chatting eating our rootbeer float snowcones. When we got back home it wasnt dark yet but the sun was down behind the mountains and I said "Lets go for a walk!" and we went back home and I got on my tennis shoes. We walked up and around the park and back home and then sat on the porch together. I pulled up some more fun questions to ask, some random, less sex inspired ones to make for fun porch convo, and we sat out until dark together, husband telling me lots of long answers and stories.

We went in the house to open my package finally that came in the mail. Its a Sailor Moon type outfit. He had showed me some online and he had a thing for them, neither of us are into Sailor Moon by the way, but he found the outfit sexy. And he liked it in the pink and blue detail variety, pastels. I wasnt sure how it would fit and how Id look, but it fit just fine, a body suit with a snap crotch and a light blue skirt, sorta cheerleader pleated type. He just held onto me as we stood in the bedroom, I told him I just need some white with a stripe knee socks to go with it and he said "Mmmmmhmmmmm" and I knew I had some white fishnets, so I pulled those out and put them on, meanwhile he showed me another new toy he had bought.

We laid on the bed together, him running his hands over my legs and the fishnet material back and forth, we went through the catalog of other outfits that the company made all cute n sexy, I said "So I just need to get the socks, and sit on a huge toy in front of you moving up and down" and once again he said "Mmmmhmmmm" and I said "and what will you do be doing?" He replied "Jerking off all over you" :)

See he loves these toys, these crazy fantasy dildos and sleeves and companies but also there are girls who film themselves on porn hub and reddit forums, they dress up in these outfits (thus the Sailor Moon one) and then ride them and film themselves, my husband loves watching those, he likes sexy women, but he also loves sexy nerdy women (We both trace our earlier lives back to being nerdy when younger and early high school)

So I asked him "What is the biggest toy those companies make as far as dildos?" and he is showing me, and then he focused on this one, the Baron, eeesh, when he shows me some of these toys and we lay in bed talking, and the photos and ridges and size, girth, but mostly all ridges and shapes, textures of these toys, I get turned on imagining what they would feel like and he keeps showing me this Baron Dildo and I got up on his back in my sailor girl outfit and Im grinding on him and pressing my body against his backside as hes laying on the bed, reading all about this thing and comparisons, Im just turned on and rubbing my body on him, finally he stops, puts the phone down and says "I have a surprise for you, close your eyes, I was going to wait but "

I rolled over on my back, he proceeds to bring a bag over and I close my eyes and hold out my hands, he places it in my hand and right away, I knew what it was, I was in shock he had it already, it was the toy he was just showing me online getting me all hot and bothered. He said "I showed you this awhile ago and you got all turned on, and I couldnt wait and you were so interested in it" I was nervous as I had just shaved and semi waxed some areas, so my skin was super sensitive down there, he lubed me up really well and slathered me in coconut oil and the toy. I said He could rip the fishnets if he wanted as I didnt have stockings on, he said he didnt want to do that, I said it was okay, I can buy new ones, or he can cut them, as to which he grabbed the scissors and strategically cut open the crotch area of the fishnets so I would keep them on in my Sailor Moon outfit and skirt. I was on my back at the edge of the bed and he entered me just a little with the toy, just the head, the thing is big! As he tried to push it in more it was going to hurt so he backed up, and knew we would need a little warm up. It was so nice and felt so good him teasing me with it, and then it pushed inside, WOW!

Okay its so hard to describe how these things feel inside! I mean how do they do it? Do they diagram a womans insides and places things to hit spots, I mean wow, Im impressed at some of these things, they are incredible!

It felt like I was an hour glass inside my pussy clinging around it and it moving in and out, there is the widening sensation and then smaller, but as he pulled it back and forth WOA, I was all "What are you doing???" He said "Its just the head going in and out" it wasnt even all the way in, the head is so larged and ridge around the penis is so pronounced, ridged, scalloped, not even sure how to describe it, but the feeling it gives as it rubs the walls of my pussy is hard to describe, so much so I could only make noise and not even find words for it. It was amazing and hitting my G spot, making me so wet and out of it. Husband tried to go down on me while using it but his knee prevented him, he gave it an effort and its so heavenly to feel his warm lips touching my clit, if only for a brief moment, and he rubbed it instead, then I took over as he kept fucking me with the toy making me crazy and squirming all over and shaking. We ended up getting the hitachi and I held it as he thrust the toy in me and drove me crazy, making me cum but I couldnt even utter the words well that I was cumming so he thought I hadnt and kept going and I was writhing all around in ecstasy with this thing, the sensations, over and over. I was clenching and moaning and squealing so much, and when he finally stopped as he kept going, he said he didnt know I had cum and thought WOw I was a tropper and this kept going, meanwhile I thought he was just torturing me, once my g spot is stimulated I can go a long time riding that wave of pleasure. He took out the toy, pulled me to the edge of the bed and entered me himself and I told him how good he makes me feel, and how much I love him and thank you again for all the wonderful things he does to me. Im grabbing his nipples while my legs are up on his shoulders and hes pressed up into me. He came on my abdomen and then gently cleaned me up.

So when he stopped, I literally turned over and flopped on the bed right in the spot I was, I couldnt move, he took the toys to the bathroom to clean up and came back and I asked him to come up and cuddle me from behind, he did, we were on the bed sideways on top of the covers and hes naked, Im in sailor girl outfit and fishnets and he held me and I literally passed out and fell asleep. I had said he wiped me out, which is rare for me, Im usually always ready for more or up for awhile after things. It was actually a nice feeling, he woke me up around midnight, and undid my skirt, he said he briefly fell asleep with me, but that he just laid there with me mostly as I slept.

I scooted off the bed, and headed for the bathroom and a large drink of water, a piece of chocolate, and then rinsed off real quick in the shower and applied aloe, vit E and this other salve to my nether region, I knew I could be sore as I felt a little chaffed from all that, and then i came back to our bed, and crawled in the covers, he said how good our bed felt when he got in. I had just changed the sheets that afternoon and made the bed, and had my fave ones on it, they are buttery soft and feel so good against your skin, so comforting and I snuggled up to him and we passed out. So yeah, that is what happened before bed and then the crazy dream this am. I did have that dream after he got up for work and I fell back asleep. I told him I was going to sleep a little longer to recover from last night, and then I had that crazy dream during that hour or so I fell back asleep.

I got up after that, cleaned up some things, made my am drink, electrolytes, ACV and lemon juice and took my serrazymes supplement, I then got dressed and decided to go to the school track again, I didnt run today, I didnt have enough energy, but I did some lunges between my laps and then walked back home. I came in and did the wave plate for 15 min and the breast pump on each side.

THey also streamed my Uncles funeral online! So I just watched it, it wasnt super long, lots of slideshow pics at the start, second pic had me and my siblings back when I was in Jr High and our visit and all sitting together. Also had a pic of husband and I after my Dads funeral almost 10 yrs ago and when we were all there with the family.

Nice hearing what others said about him, as my interaction was much more limited then the rest of the family as Im the baby, and also we lived far away and by the time I was born my parents didnt go back home much, my siblings got to spend time with them when they were young and play with their cousins, said they would go back every yr, but I never had that experience like they did.I was born much later, a surprise oops baby when all my siblings were born one right after the other, so I grew up like an only child.

So that was nice to see and glad I got to watch, could see my brother and his wife seated and my Aunt in the third row from the live stream.

Must be wierd for my AUnt, my Moms younger sis, she just went through her sisters funeral 6 yrs ago and now her brother, and now its just her, she has no spouse or kids. Her spouse died quite awhile back and shes been alone since.
So Im here on the couch, typing out my entry, Im hungry! Need to make my lunch/breakfast for the day. Husband booked us dinner reservations for 7:30 at our fave place tonight, we were going to stay home and make Chili but opted to that tomm, we plan to just stay home most of the wknd and chili will be something we can eat multiple meals and have around.

So Ill have to get dressed up tonight for dinner.

I just look at my husband, I have always been attracted to him, even with his weight fluctuations, its never diminished my desire, but right now? He looks fucking hot. Hes lost over 10 pds, and just that has changed his body, he mostly carries his weight like the saddle bags is it called? Love handles on his sides, the waist, but not a gut, its the sides. And that has slimmed out just from the weight hes lost. His chest and arms are so sexy, and I got him this shirt for his bday and man he looks so good in it, its red, soft thin tshirt material and 2 buttons at the neck, it hugs him perfectly showing off his chest and arms, and then these shorts, sorta pin striped black. Damn I did good picking it out! I just look at him and think how sexy he is and I think hes even better looking naked. I think if other women saw him they would feel the same. Hes been out of the dating/hookup pool for so long that I dont think he knows how good he looks. Having had his awkward phase, which we both had when we were younger, hes still stuck in some of that thought, plus being Aspie, he is not good on reading cues, such as there have probably been women who have hit on him and he didnt even know it, as I pointed that out a time or 2 when we first started to date and he was oblivious and I had to explain it to him to where he went 'Wow, how many times have I missed that?"

The look on his face and his seriousness focus when he fucks me, I love also, his tone of voice, hes good. And hes learning more just like me and becoming an even better lover.

Well I just had my phone consult with my hormone Dr, actually all my levels are pretty good, they have me on DHEA and Pregnenlone alone with the progesterone and testosterone, the 2 levels were low on the first 2, but Ive not been taking them all the time, as last time my DHEA was super high. So I just have to up those both, and see if it helps with the orgasm issue. And get back to her, so Im back to full on cream dosage and supplements, I told her my libido has remained high despite that, and she said I was no way ready for Estrogen yet (I still am peri menopause, still have my periods, still have healthy estrogen levels) She just said my LSH? LH or something hormones are gradually changing, as my ovaries start to slow down, so I know ill be there eventually, will be nice not having to worry about pregnancy anymore and have to use protection for that when he cums inside me. So all in all, its good, my thyroid, blood cell count, no anemia or any of that, Im actually in good shape and she said just to call if anything changes as usual.

Just made my smoothie, its Dark Tart Cherries, unflavored Kefir, frozen berries spinach and kale, chia and hemp seeds, cinnamon and some peanut butter. Mmmmm took my vitamins. Will try calling my big sis, shes called twice...

And then I have a hot date with my man all wknd. :)