thoughts and temporary resignation
Why doesn't eating feel as good anymore?
Why does being hungry still feel bad if eating doesn't feel better?
Does being depressed make you lose weight?
Being a skinny kid doesn't mean anything.
I don't want to do this [stuff] anymore.
my stomach is sick
my teeth are rotting
my hands are unclean
the music is simply that, music
languages? games? stories? shows? movies? chores? tasks? people? conversations? doodling? writing? buying? eating? drinking? cleaning? sleeping. waking. dreaming? whats good and whats unpleasant and whats bad and pleasant. reading? family? i feel like throwing up but im too scared to. school? i cant go back like this. i'll get worse all over again and then they'll get mad at me because their kid can't handle even being in the presence of other people my age.
harm? sleep. then the days will be gone. but at least i wont have to think about it. or choose an activity to forget the impending school days. or all the people around me. or the things i've done wrong, am doing wrong. at least i wont be conscious enough to feel self conscious. come to think of it, ive been so distracted with youtube and games that i haven't had the opportunity to.
does that mean i should continue doing those things and discontinue other activities? i cant play two games at once. not three.
i can't watch 2 shows at once, not at all.
im tired of thinking.
im gonna go brush the taste of toast and breakfast out of my mouth.
im guessing eating is the activity i should get rid of.
water will work but it wont work that much. there's also tea and lemonade. i wont want bars for a while or crackers. cereal would be okay during those times i actually need it otherwise it'll be a bad taste.
my stomach hurts. i hadn't eaten anything since yesterday but it still hurt. why?
i'll go now