GoodGirl

Visited K

Dear Diary,
Whew, overheated, everywhere is around 100 degrees today, back home, here, etc

I ran out and drove by K's house, took a bit to find the right street as I havent been there in awhile. I tried calling her, no answer, drove over, shes out on some land, dirt road, the place was never the nicest looking, but it looks so rundown even more then before.

She was my sisters best friend in school but later in life when I worked at a shop she was a customer and both in town and we became friends, her son opened an eatery that we loved, they raise a bunch of adopted kids as their brood and her daughter. We used to meet up at a Cafe with my sister when Id come to town and sit and talk for hours.

She has sent me a few fb messages asking me whats up. Shes posting memes and political, Ca stuff all day, I get it, I am not against a lot of what she thinks, but Im over living my life day to day obsessing over it and just sitting on a computer spewing my opinion. I dont really care that much to be honest anymore. I think since we moved out of the big city, and Im more in a country life, with stars at night, dark skies, no pollution, vandalism, crime crap all the time, I feel peaceful and I dont want to clutter my mind with political and all that other nonsense. I only use facebook for a few groups of things IM into or marketplace.

She greeted me, stayed behind the entry gate and wore a mask. But at least I got to see her and she luckily reach over the gate to hug me. But then kept her distance. They have been living this way too long, Los Angeles county has had some of the strictest and longest mandates and fear mongering, and there is talking of bringing back masks to LA county again this wk, luckily Ill be back home if that starts up again.

She has all these cars, flat tires, parked, sitting all around her driveway, the big box truck her son bought for a food truck that never came about, the food bizz they are still talking of doing, they have been saying this when I lived here! Over 10 yrs ago. So you just know at this point its talk, it wont surface, they are older, more tired, the kids are older and they homeschool so they dont have time to themselves, she and her daughter, neither married and having been single for a long time. Her daughter is young and beautiful but adopted 5 kids and has health issues, and they are pretty much helping one another, her mom has adopted kids also.

I stand out there, off the dirt road in the desert with the run down looking house, and remember living out here, and how depressing it was, and how Im so glad we got out. We left 10 yrs ago for a job for my husband and never looked back, but we were ready to leave then! Many of my friends who have left here, moved away, diff states but their parents or family still lived here, we all talked about the feeling of depression that comes over you pulling into this town.

It wasnt always this way, it was a great safe place to grow up, the 70s and 80s were a good time, many people way here before that

But the housing boom hit around 2005 and all these houses exploded in price, sold, over priced, market crashed, people foreclosed and investors swooped in and bought up loads of these homes and turned them into government housing, then our neighborhood went to shit, theft, crime, I didnt feel good letting my kids go down the street on their own, etc

Its never really recovered and just gotten so much worse.

I also got ahold of my son this am, supposed to call him after 4, said he hurt his ankle at work and hes limping pretty bad and was resting...I told him I can come by and see him, hes always vague and distant, we usually meet at a place to eat, so not sure what he will say later he wants to do. Ive been to his apt a few time, but not sure why he doesnt want Mom to come over or anything, hes always been strange like that. One Christmas my husband and I took him to eat then Costco, got him new tires and a bunch of groceries and stocked his fridge and freezer.

So my next stop is to go see if Mr S is there, I just got overheated visiting K standing outside in the sun for over 30 min, sweat dripping down my back. Came back to my friend where Im staying for his lunch break and we had thai leftovers together and chatted, hes back to work in his room online, Im just cooling down still sitting in the guest room on my lap top with the doggie at my side laying there.

So I think Ive accepted, Im not going to the funeral. I just need to go buy some cards to send to my relatives. My big sis and i spoke a bit, she said "They have a lot of people around them right now, you will be going back in Sept and can see them then" And I guess I have to remember, I have been around them, more then anyone else as far as my siblings goes, Ive seen them 3 times in the last yr or so. Everyone else hasnt seen them since my Moms funeral over 6 yrs ago, my brother just went to visit a month before Uncle Died and Im sure he is glad he went, so hes going and my middle sis, had no seen anyone at all so she just went out right away. My big sis, she works all the time and has no life and doesnt ever seek time off really and does not do well with family stress, death, you name it, she just becomes mean, falls apart, cries not stop and is useless. She does better grieving alone.

Alright need to get some energy and get out the door and go visit others, I sure could use an energy boost, the heat is zapping me