GoodGirl

Death, Kids & Sex

Dear Diary,

My Uncle died this am. :( Been lots of texts among us siblings, Im sure 3 of us will probably go back for the funeral, so Ill be driving out of state to there sooner then anticapated, Planned to go early Sept.

I sent my son a text to say I loved him and in turn got a long guilt blame, messed up text in reply saying he relapsed and its my job to save him, hes a grown man now, moved across the US , been in the military, was out of the house at 16, so when he pulls this stuff, its frustrating as a mother. I told him Uncle died this am and he just blew by that and more blame and nonsense in response. I cant deal with this and part of why I went to Al Anon and attended a few narcotics anon groups to learn how to cope with this stuff. Hes missed the death of his grandparents, and any involvement because of his life choices and my parents were a constant all his life,,, helped raise him, and he was nowhere to be seen at the end of their lives or for funerals, etc. So its frustrating, and I just gave him links for supports groups in his area, told him I love him and dont respond to the paragraphs of blame and not owning his own stuff, as hes not in his right mind and it wont go anywhere

And then meanwhile my husband and I lay in bed all am, talking, crying, some arguing, then making love.

And its life, Death, Children, Sex, this circle of pain, sorrow and pleasure

And Im just thankful to be with my best friend to go through all this stuff, we already had our share of losing our parents together, back to back, one right after the other, it was rough, so I feel for my cousins right now

Im in a bed in Las Vegas right now alone with my laptop, feeling nostalgic for husband and our last trip here, but this is a quick trip for me to my hometown, getting my hair cut, seeing friends and hopefully my other son.

Hoping to be back home by wed eve.. so not planning to be gone too long unless something comes up to cause me to stay a little longer.

Id love nothing more then to be snuggled in bed naked sleeping with my husband right now,, but Ill be back soon enough and a few days away just creates more sexual tension and longing, I didnt pack any toys either, so I have to be good!