Evolving marriage
2022-07-23 19:13:51 (UTC)

Satisfied Saturday

Dear Diary,
Holy Shit, I was just fucked good and hard.

I fell asleep near 4am and of course hubby wakes up early around 7 or so. I got up to use the restroom and brush my teeth and got back in bed. He made some coffee and then came back in the bedroom, we ended up talking, he was asking about me, I said I didnt want to do anything today "except him" No plans. Since I leave tomm for a few days, I want to enjoy our time together as much as possible.

We just talked, he asked if I masturbated, I said yes, I dont think he realizes how much I do. I know he says hes cool with it but I feel uncomfortable making it totally known, so Im still a bit secretive about my time unless its part of our sexy play or hes getting me off after hes gotten off I will do it but hes usually touching me or something somewhere and I feel hes a part of it then.

He jokes and calls me "Rapeasaurus"

I found a really good porn vid last night and wanted to show him and thought he might like it. Its a guy and 2 women, one of the gals is French and the man has an accent also and its on a horse farm and they are in an outdoor barn. And the women are tied up and he pretty much tells them what to do to one another and spanks them and has them doing all manner of things, but then has them both on each side of his cock, their mouths moving them back and forth open mouthed, and then positions one on the other gals back as shes on all fours, the other is open spread legs on her back on the other gals back, but they are tied and bound in these positions. He fucks them also, fingers them, makes them squirt, you get the idea. But the women are quite beautiful and the French gal, I like, I dont watch too many vids of women I find attractive in that sense of that have a good chemistry with another woman that is hot. Im more into guys. But these gals were hot.

So we watched it, husband approved, and I had taken my cup out (period cup) It wasnt as heavy this am, but its not over, but I came back in the bed, knowing I need to wash the bed sheets, so if we play and its messy, Ill just throw it all in the wash anyways. He first teased me from behind, my fave spooning position in bed. But from there, he said he could get a toy, and I said Okay, he got the Skeletor, as we call it, haha, from He Man due to the colors of it. Its a sleeve husband can wear over himself and cum in it also (theres no open end) and its a nice texture, but long, its a good feeling one, and he fucked me with it, and I got up on him a bit also riding him. He was smacking the side of my breasts, I had said I didnt know how to feel about that (breast smacking/slapping/hitting) as he tried it on me awhile ago and it turned me on, but then it got to be too much and I didnt like it, and told him after, but then tried it again, turned me on, but I was conflicted inside, like I shouldnt like it? I wasnt sure, it was like a love hate thing with it. And I told him its the direct hitting them straight on and he said perhaps the motion and my face proximity, so I realize I like the sensation of them being smack(just hit, its light contact) from the sides of my breasts instead of head on. I also wonder if Id like to be gently smacked, he said "Oh you dont like that" when we watched the flick, but I said "I dont know, I havent tried it, but no I dont like any of that too rough" like Id substitute a leather crop, paddle or flogger, over being caned. That looks too painful for me.

But Im into kinky shit, I love to be bound, tied up, tied to things, body parts played with, suction, clips, temperature, If my partner wanted to do way more kinkier stuff, Id be into it, but I try to slow the stroll on that stuff, as its my kink and dont want to overwhelm him.

So lets go back, to fucking Skeletor. It was hot and he wanted me to cum and I just wasnt, I was fully there but couldnt get over the hump, and I said with the anal I probably will, so he got the bayonet toy, which attaches to your cock or dildo, its another thing to attach and it inserts into the ass and stays in place while your being fucked in the pussy. I love that thing, hes used it a few times. Well he did it, and it just goes in so nicely and the sensations are wonderful. We did that for awhile as I rode on top of him and then flipped me back over on my back on the edge of the bed. Yeah thats when he really got me and was fucking me deep, hard, both holes, and I was in heaven and told him so. Dirty talking now but truth in the dirty talk. I told him how amazing he was making me feel, how he is so good, and I thank him for his love for fucking me hard like this and for the toys he uses on me. I told him Im his little fuck girl and he had me so horny and that he is so amazing what he does to me and how I love him. Im cumming telling him "Thank you! I Love you! God you are so good, this is amazing" and I meant every word. And I said "I need to get fucked like this more often, I need it hard and in the ass too, you own this pussy and this ass, you are showing it whos boss, I love it"

And he then came, and we had quite the bloody mess I must say! But it was all fun and we were exhausted, was around noon by then. Got up and he went to clean up toys and I got in the shower and told him to follow, we were messy! I cleaned him off and washed him with soap in the shower together.

And then I made something to eat and we were just talking and I keep giggling and thinking of what we were just doing, I said "Still love me? Still think of me as the same girl you have always known?" He said "Yes" I said "think of me differently in any negative ways?" He said "No quite the opposite" I said "Does anything I do shock you?" He said "No" and sometimes I think I will, and then we realize how well we are matched Kink wise but didnt even know because of all the yrs of no communication, little sex, little open talking, fear of judgement, fear of morals and beliefs. And once we blasted through that wall, little by little, it didnt all happen in one day and is still happening, but we get more and more open.

We have done something each in our past we arent proud of sexually and I thought Id carry that till I died as my secret and he tried to get me to say it and he said "Well, it cant be as bad as ........." and it was exactly the thing I had done! I looked at him and said, thats it, as he said what he had done when young, and we literally did the same type of thing and I carried such shame and fear over it and then it was like the wall just crumbled and I didnt feel so bad, guilty, terrible anymore as he admitted having done the same type of thing before.

Or just us talking about things we enjoy, we have these rare moments where we are totally in sync, thinking the same thing but have no clue or idea, like the lactation thing the other day, we had NOT talked about it at all, but we were both researching it and him thinking Wow Id love it if her breasts leaked again, and me knowing I can probably stimulate them to do so and ordering a breast pump as I have always produced a small drop now and then in play, as it never went away after having my kids. He high fived me for ordering the pump and sucked the heck out of my breasts the day before as I told him Ill have to do it around every 6 hrs for the stimulation of milk to keep on a regular basis, also my breasts size can go up a size too

When we started pegging, he brought it up but I had just heard of it and looked it up a few wks prior and thought it looked hot and fun, so when he even lightly mentioned it, I jumped on board and said Yes and ordered the gear and it was at our house in about 3 days. So thats more how we are. We have been so so guarded for yrs, aftraid to even talk about kink or much about sex. He even brought up,
"Well I guess you were right about me the night we started seeing one another, you thought I would be a freak, sexually, and well, I am, but now you know it" and we laugh, as he was just trying to be a respectful gentleman as he always says and didnt do such things/. But yeah, the night he invited me to the party as friends at his place, when I showed up, he answered the door, no shirt on, a pair of jeans, he was in awesome shape, so muscular, and piercings and tatts all over his body, so yeah, I expected a kinky guy, and he was instead a gentle considerate lover, but then again I came from a bad place at that time and he said if he even went a different direction I probably wouldnt have continued with him, and hes correct, I was leaving an abusive situation and that took yrs of therapy and talking to undo much of the crap that was done to me or messed with me mentally.

I Love this man, love his cock, love his smell, love his eyes, love his arms, love running my hands over his body on a daily basis, always rubbing him, soft, or scratches with my nails, or deep massage rubs into spots that need it, running my hand down his shorts, holding his cock and rubbing his balls, squeezing his butt cheeks, playing with his nipples, rubbing his ear softly and tracing it inside and out with my finger, tugging on it, sucking his earlobe (he likes when I do stuff to his ears)

I rub or scratch him to sleep many times in bed or we do so in the am, usually taking turns, we touch a lot, and always have, even when the dead bedroom stuff was in full effect, he thankfully still cuddled and we did a lot of rubbing of one anothers bodies, so that at least kept some physical contact and bonding between us.

So yeah, hes on the phone right now with an old friend, I had my Acai bowl, yummy and am lying in bed. I have been fucked good and hard, my holes filled and the full sensation and cumming over and over again. He has no idea how wild he makes me and the things I can do when Im horny. Which is what makes us so fun together. I said afterwards "How is we have been together over 20 yrs now and you can still make me feel this way!??" and its like starting over, we are having oodles of new sexual experiences together, and its so much fun.