Evolving marriage
2022-07-23 08:29:14 (UTC)

Thank you Commenters

Dear Diary,
Its 2:30am. I got up and have cum twice on the couch. Husband was passed out before midnight.

We had a nice dinner, drinks, chartruterie board was a hit! Ordered an appetizer on top of that and a soup dish for hubby. We didnt overdue it but enjoyed all the wonderful tastes tonight.

Came back home, got the edibles and got on the couch with bedroom pop in the background and did some fun sexy questions for hour I found online. We just had fun, my head in his lap on the couch and answering questions and laughing. Lots of laughter

Things like "Who would be most likely to attend a swingers house party"

and funny thing was, Hubby! He even agreed, said hes more of a voyeur so he would be fascinated to go. I get kinda scared of the idea even though I listen to a lot of podcasts.

We had fun, and we passed out after trying for the 3rd or 4th time to finish watching the last Emma Marx video.

Got in bed, Edibles make me horny, but tonight nothing was happening, he didnt take any sexual bait and respond, so it was just us laying there together and talking. Which is why Im now on the couch, I find with edibles I can have sex for hours and then even when were done, and he passes out, I can be up for several hrs more, like a type of insomnia and I want to get off more times.

So yeah,

But I want to thank my commenters, those living in their worlds, their lives, but all of us having our desires, and needing a place to share them. And this being a safe comfortable place and mostly appearing pretty accepting and non judgemental. I want friends like that in day to day lives.

Found a diary tonight of a man whos married and been having affairs. And I think of the Esther Perel ANatomy of an Affair book, and see what it talks about in real life playing out and sometimes I think we just need to truly accept who and what we are and be honest about it and talk to our partners, for good or bad, granted you may watch how much you say, but to try and suppress who and what you are and what you are into, will never fix anything, its a part of you and wont go away most times.

My parts? Im a sexual being, and when we were in the 10 yr low libido dead bedroom situation, I eventually started to have my drive suppressed to cope with the situation but then grew tired of that and didnt want that for the rest of my life.

I didnt seek for more back in those days. I just wanted to have regular sex, I was so starved and hungry for it, Id take what I could get and orgasm from it because of the infrequency and I didnt really masterbate at all either.

I had started to express that I liked to be spanked and have my hair pulled and he did it sometimes and it turned me on so badly but then it would stop, hed do it once and Id wish for more and after awhile Id just tell him what I wanted, he would do it then but I wanted him to naturally do it more without my requests. But thats as far as we took it, sometimes him touching my ass during sex and making me orgasm and a few times with anal. Id mount him while sitting on top of him and when we did that, Id cum pretty quickly after Anal penetration.

Sometimes I just wish he was all into anal or blow jobs.... he says often he doesnt fetish them, they are great he says, but yeah. the man has not asked me for a blowjob other then me asking to give him one or just going for it now and then, no questions asked, but Ive expressed wanting him to request one or tell me to give him one in a dominant way. He keeps saying he will, but still waiting.

I think about the submissive thing and I guess in many ways, because my ex and first partner was a little bit older, did things to me I had never experienced but never asked for consent, just "took me" if you wll and did things to me, pushing limits a bit more each time. Sometimes I was turned on, sometimes conflicted, sometimes not wanting to do something again and feeling a lot of shame over it. But I was pushed farther and farther and kinkier and kinkier, so maybe thats part of the sub thing after him being my partner in my teens and early 20s, it was my training ground and all I knew as Id never had a sexual partner before that.

But then again, I said I sended a domination of me kink even in cartoons as a kid or in the way I played house or Barbies.

The idea of a dom testing and my limits sounds exhiliarating.

Oh I went through some vids on a drive of husband that was still hooked up to the tv tonight and it had some other porn I saw in passing, so I went to see what he was viewing and had on there, about 7 videos, 4 days ago of men being pegged roughly and restrained in many fashions and being pegged. A few with severa women taking turns, he is playing coy with me as part of our disagreement the other night was over this topic, he doesnt tell me fully what he likes, but tonight I could see it in the porn on the topic he had downloaded and had on this drive, all domination more rough women pegging, but when we peg, he wants me to go slow and gentle, Id love to just slam him to be honest, I can get into it. But i often have to slow my stroll. But its the way the women talk that I have difficulty with, that part is still awkward. You know the "Oh you want it in your tight a hole do you? Oh your so tight and my cock is so hard" and then making men suck on a dildo, at this point in time, i dont know that I like that visual or that it would be a turn on, but if it thrills him, Id be willing to try.

He also had some sex and submission vids from about 6 mos ago, over 6 of those and they are pretty good, so he has been watching stuff Im into

Hopefuly we can fuc k tomm. We have all day and no plans, and I have to leave on Sunday midday for my trip. So we shall see what adventures we end up having

Well goodnight and thank you for my commenting friends. I read more and more of you all and find some more diaries as I skim the list of posts. Several submissive and a dom diaries on here. Several women in bad marriages also, people with suffering sex lives, low libido or shutting down of a partner, but partners chosing to stay for the marriage, their life and kids, but also having that secret side to express still. And i wonder if we all were truly honest with one another and not so afraid to share, how accepting our partners could be still or might step up to the place.

I dunno, just a thought, getting sleepy.....