no name
2022-07-22 21:44:49 (UTC)

Back to School goals

I, especially, don’t want to be reminded that schools starting back up soon but this podcast episode I was listening to really made me wanna write this down.
The topic of ‘too muchness’
I know I could be labeled as so many things. Too quiet too invisible (lol what) too wordy too stuttery (look…)
But it doesn’t really matter because all of that’s subjective and I don’t think the same. When I actually feel those things it’s because I feel anxious. I felt anxious for most of my time at school, maybe aside from when the classroom was empty, or I was just left with the teachers.
But people are people. Other teens are just that. Other teens. Who have insecurities just like me with egos and confidence that are still being developed. Everyone’s just another person and for all the people I found so beautiful, they have insecurities of their own as well, I’m not special ☠️
So it’s okay to fudging do what you need to do, and anyone that has objections when im clearly not bothering them is just having a pretty bad fudging day to be speaking on me doing the most normal thing ever. Nothing is too much. And anything that is will just characterize my teenage self. Not my adult self. Ha
Does that even make sense?
Yea. Yes it does
The teenage me can be the most funny or quiet or mature or smart or confident or dramatic or silent or calm person ever. I don’t really mind remembering myself like that. As long as I’m not being mean or rude (unprovoked) I don’t care.

Also I know I look normal. “Normal”
I look like everyone else.

When it comes to people. I really just want interactions. I’m not that eager to *make friends*. Since from my experience it doesn’t always end well. Maybe I can th- actually no we just went to dif scchools. Anyway.

I want some cool interactions to remember. Although if I don’t have any in high school, I always have the rest of my life to do something significant to me.

So goals.
- probably join a club (bc I know I can go a whole day without speaking and I really want to be bothered. I can’t do it again. It was so bad. Even if my stomach’ll be in knots from having to talk, it’s better than going into college like that)
- ummmm I forgor
- have a actual good day (was rare)
- don’t feel bad about strange attraction, is normal and will always be strange to me

- ughh I’m hungry

I forgot what I was gonna say but I’ll probably end up in some drama club somehow bc they say it’s the most helpful. Also gonna ask a somebody about eye contact someday- actually no I won’t. Make eye contact to assert dominance. LOOK AROUND 👁👁 ITS OKAY TO ACCIDENTLALY MAKE EYE CONTACT, JUST DONT BE THE FIRST TO LOOK AWAY!!!!!;&/@:&

Oh and I never actually started on any of those things in the last entry. Got tired. Went to sleep. Woke up and got an option I didn’t want lol. I’m hungryyyy shaking and hurting. Made a lot of puzzle progress.

See the lady, she told me the offer is still up. But the thing is, I don’t actually like going outside. I don’t WANT to go the store or out for food if I don’t have to. I’m perfectly fine sitting here at home without interacting with new people. Unless somebody is tryna put me in therapy for the socially anxious/awkward (???) then I’ll be sticking at home. Likkeee maybe someday just not TOday or TOmorrow or the DAy after that. Lol. Oh and the dress lady,..I don’t want a dress tbh. I need a sweater. Well no I don’t it’s summer but like. U know.