Gone mental

Notes from my Black
2022-07-22 11:31:24 (UTC)


I am a perfectionist when it comes to what I make. Whether it’s working on the house or printing this book or we’ll… just about everything. I demand a lot of myself. When I worked my previous job, I analyzed the work flow and made weekly recommendations to the owner on how he could streamline this or that. When I’m driving I think about perfect turning lines… stupid, right? I don’t expect that from people around me, I don’t even look for it or judge their performance. I guess I feel like it’s an internal conversation. Private.

So, when I found a second typo in my book, I deflated. I can’t afford to fix it. The Kickstarter is going well, but each book I send out will cause me anxiety. I know this. The response from her, is that huge publishing houses have teams of people… but I really don’t care what Random House or Penguin or Scholastic do. I care what I do. And this book, this thing I’ve spent 18 months on, isn’t up to my standard. Maybe I hold myself to too high of a standard, but I can’t change that. I’m not sure I want to change that. I like making quality things. I feel like that pursuit is one of the best things about me.

Anyway, today, I am disappointed in myself. I can’t come to terms with it yet.

I will say it’s not like I mis spelled truck as fuck though. That would probably make me laugh out of my chair… and reprint everything. Did I mention it’s a kids book?