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unreasonably feeling [...]
havent been told you are those things and so have no reason to believe you are
that means putting all your choices and judgement in the hands and eyes of others, too dependent, too weak
how to be strong when you are scared and feeling weak
how to be strong without being defensive and mean
how to be confident without feeling fake and seen through
how to stop thinking
how to stop
it doesnt really matter. go with the flow.
the thrill or excitement or surging curiosity and interest when happening upon something new and unknown to you until now - Rabbit Holes
oh. imposter syndrome. "a phenomenon where someone reacts to a situation by experiencing self-doubt about their accomplishments. They believe they’ve succeeded up to that point because they’ve been lucky, not because of their talents or experience, and they fear others will find out they’re a fraud."
yeah i guess i can see how that happens. sort of why i dont like voicing my opinions on stuff. i dont want to break someone's illusion about how i am as a person. and i dont want anyone to develop expectations for me.
at the same time, it really doesn't matter to me, or in general. you can take someone's feeling into consideration but then not let it affect your actions or your own emotions. its not *really* my problem. i'll take dismissive if it means getting by. I cant flow or vibe if im caught up on something like a persons irrelevant judgement of me.
back on topic though,
kikuo songs. i havent actually known the meaning of any of the songs' lyrics until a few days ago i guess. now i can stop looking through them. especially these kikuohana songs, theyre such Ws.
and some of this stuff is plain scary, grotesque, depressing.
things exist. very terrifying.