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I'm thinking that maybe it's an urge? And that's why I feel restless about the thought?
I can recognize that I'm curious. Wanna know how that would feel in my hand. But my main interest would be reactions, since I don't feel anything. Wonder if there would be any reactions at all. If it varies from person to person. If it's mainly vocal or physical or maybe even emotional. If certain motions or actions result in grunting or actual moaning. What do moans even sound like? Many questions.
On the other hand, this curiosity will get me nowhere, not this early on.
Thinking of getting a journal (one that closes and has that little rubbery/stretchy band that keeps it closed, or a lock even... UGHHH I'LL NEED ONE) just to be as explicit as possible in at least one outlet. I'm going to have to guard those journals with my LIFE bro. My future self is gonna be absolutely gobsmacked, flabbergasted, and utterly taken aback by the gall. But hey, I gotta experience and write and move on.