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Dancing and Marines willing to Impregnate
I have to say this for the record. I really do enjoy dancing. over the weekend I was hanging with my 2 year old nephew. at about that crucial threshold that two year olds reach where either there will be a complete nuclear meltdown or an Elmo dance party I (wisely) choose the latter. I don't think it was Elmo but some god awful puppets dancing to some pretty funky music. I was digging it and started showing my 2 year old nephew what's what when it comes to salsa moves. he was squealing in delight and shaking his rump in that quirky manner that two year olds have where they seem to be squatting to pick something up and then popping back up like a jack-in-the-box.
it was just nice. just dancing, me, my nephew and some stupid ass puppet. there's just something very freeing to it. and I do genuinely enjoy it. I do the white man's overbite (when harry met sally shoutout) because sometimes I'm trying so hard to keep the time. I like line-dancing a lot, whether it be some honky tonk or the cupid shuffle. although the latter is quite difficult to remember. I really wish I could dance though. like I mean really dance. smooth-like. what a superpower that would be.
so I was at this 4th of July festival where this octogenarian marine (this was made clear by his hat, his shirt and the fact that he continued to mention it throughout the course of he night) decided to turn into a creep within .5 seconds of entering the party. it was some shameful shit to see this dude hit on really young women (most there with husbands) always in that flippant manner where he could try to play it off like a joke. the women (and men) were all far too tolerant of him.
so the night goes on and he's hitting the sauce pretty hard. to the point where he's swaying and doing this odd hip-shaking which I think he believed amounted to dancing. so he's creeping around and eventually he slides into a circle of closer friends. this one woman, who is known for sharing far too fucking much, already tits up on about 3 hard liquor drinks, starts bemoaning that her husband doesn't want kids.
you know it was one of those weird jests that couples sometimes do when superficially it is portrayed as mock exasperation but everybody knows that there is some deeper resentment lying waiting to burst forth. well, the marine whose body by now consisted of 3 parts liquor and beer sidled up and, without missing a beat, says, "well if he ain't want to, I sure as hell will put a baby in you girl!" with this he hitched up his pants by pulling on his oversized belt buckle and strolled away muttering, "show you what a real man do."
now the reaction of the woman was (at first) shock which then turned into chortling. her husband on the other hand was sitting there thunderstruck. in the usual man-misogynistic (how come we have the word misogynistic but not something meaning the same for men?) everybody was looking to him to "save his manhood". so the guy is over here doing John Nash type calculations about what he should do. get in a fight with an 80 year old liquored up marine? laugh it off? he surprisingly choose route #3 which was to blame his significant other for over-sharing.
overall a very successful 4th of July party!