no name
2022-07-06 09:19:43 (UTC)

this dude...

i dont fudging get it

because yes of course it makes sense that you can perform a sexual act with someone without actually being attracted to them or that gender at all. but like, why? the mf said all the girls are whackjobs like he isn't in there with the rest of them AND jeff.
jeff seems curious asf, so im guessing thats why the mf seems so fudging neutral and notgonnathinkaboutit concerning these incidents.
but for me its def the fact that rank here seems to be projecting something onto bro with his little im-not-gonna-tell-anyone.. crap when its literally him that initiated that crap. i still think he needs to get reported for that first crap he pulled.
the second where jeff literally sucked a dick willingly im guessing was just curiosity since he didn't respond well to it afterwards anyway
he didn't manage well with Sadie either, so maybe it /is/ that stuff with Allie (which as the reader im still not filled in on), or maybe he's ace, or maybe he really was just confuddled the whole time.
I mean, I would try something just to see how things are i guess so its whatever.

he cried though so it made me sad. im surprised he didn't cry after the literal molestation. anyways.

its just confusing because things aren't explicitly said and I'm not the best at inferring about anyone's emotional state, that part of my brain is just a bit incapable

nevermind. i was wrong. and now i know. the more you know.
i accidentally spoiled it for myself when i misclicked and ended up at the end of the book and instead of going back to my original page by table of contents, ended up clicking the back button a bunch and found out that he's gay and he was jealous of his best friend getting asked out by her current boyfriend.
as it turns out, im not reading the rest of that. in consideration of my christianity, im not continuing on or deliberately consuming content regarding homosexuality since i dont know how my parents would feel about it and i dont know how to deal with it. like i dont want to be homophobic. Its not like i hate gay people or fear them. they can do what they want, i dont really care. i just dont want to have to deal with like being religiously wrong so im just gonna not think about it. at 14 with the message from the preacher being that homosexuality is wrong, i dont really know what to say. yes, according to the bible homosexuality is wrong, no, im not going to trying to pummel any queer person with insults or conversion things because of that. i really just dont feel like thinking about any of it. (Thinking about people and the real world brings up so much inner conflict, honestly i'd just rather never come into contact with anyone ever and think of the world as this fake, nonreal place that i will never be a part of, and if im actually outside, everything is just a simulation, nobody is real, nobody thinks, im not even real, maybe this whole corner of the world (the whole world feels like a corner, what vastness do ppl even talk abt) is a governmental or someother experiment. this is the matrix, nothing is real, not tryna take anythingtgggg, i cant) especially when there are parts of the bible that sort of maybe idk contradict the way i want to be. so i wont dwell on it. i'll go read another book.

it was a nice read, for the most part. i do want to see how he deal with that girls death but hey, better leave now than feel uncomfy later.

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