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2022-06-28 03:41:58 (UTC)


Yes I dont really care about gender. Pronouns have never been an issue for me (I have nobody that refers to me☠️) and I don’t particularly feel connected to gender in general (ha, gen gen).
I just hate my body being female. It looks bad. I’m not even fully grown yet (maybe that’s why) and I look horrible as a human.
I don’t want my body to have a sex. I want to look androgynous. I don’t want genitals. That’s literally my only problem (the face thing I’ll always be iffy about, makes me sick, I wanna kill myself, but whatever) when it comes to being perceived. I feel terrible when I go out because my body is too much of an indecisive bitc to FUDGING DECIDE IF IT WANTS TO LOOK ONE WAY OR ANOTHER EVEN THOUGH GENDER NORMS (or whatever it’s called idc masculinity femininity, u do u) DONT MATTER
I just feel terrible.
I’m a girl so why am I so fudging hairy it makes me want to detach my legs from my body
I’m a girl so why do I have a godforsaken MUSTACHE???? I’m going to kill myself wth
I’m a girl so why does my face not look cute enough to be one???

Ahhhaaaaaa AHHAHAH help me

Yes yes I know it’s normal, girls have hair, everybody has hair! We’re mammals!! Animals! Fudging creatures. Disgusting. Blah blah blah I still feel bad.
So I’d have to, for the sake of my insecure sad teenaged sanity, ASSIGN MYSELF TO A MIDDLEGROUND???
Kids (me) don’t need to look beautiful. They’re fudging kids. Go play in dirt or something. So why tf do I have to feel bad?
And I don’t care
While I feel my body edging between both masculinity and femininity, I want to kill myself- I mean I should obviously just consider myself exempt from gender norms right? It has nothing to do with me. This body has nothing to do with me. I didn’t make it. I don’t own it (not even legally tbh). I should just do me and pretend I don’t have one. Sure I have a f- I can’t. I just can’t. They even make me wear dresses on sundays. Every time I see myself in that fudging bathroom mirror I want to rip them apart and throw my shoes. Why. I feel like a man cosplaying as a woman.

Sure I shouldn’t feel ashamed to wear dresses cuz of fudging hair on My legs but the thing is I don’t even like wearing dresses in the first place. Sure they’re pretty but they’re not for me. Not for my body.
Reminds me of that night I wore that red fancy one and could see my stomach poking out a bit (as is normal for most human fudging being) I wanted to die, preferably of starvation.

I don’t feel beautiful. I feel like a teenager going through the motions. And I feel like ripping off my face at every given moment I recall or am reminded of what I look like.

How fun.
I want to burn myself alive.
Do I feel shame? Oh so much for a body I didn’t even ask for. Fudging pathetic.
This is all so silly and goofy aw.
Why would I value my own beauty so much?
How could this have happened. Eh.

Maybe I’ll forget. I’ll forget what I look like. I can just not look. Not like they can force me to look. I just wish i could cope instead.
Just a kid.
So it doesn’t matter.
But my mind doesn’t keep that in mind lmao