I Hate Middle School
Fathers Day Yalllllllllll
Ummmmmmm… I don’t really know what to talk about to be honest with you. Todays Father’s Day. We got my dad a nice drink cooler that doubles as a table, and a thermometer to make it so he stops cooking raw meat. Seriously, he insists that it’s been cooked all the way but I know pink when I see it, my sister and mom agree so I swear I’m not just picky. We had a cookout too. Nothing special, just my family plus my grandma and grandpa from my moms side as well as my aunt uncle and two cousins also from her side. Corbin and Emma to be specific. We’d invite some of my dads side of the family over too but they’re all pretty distant. We would’ve visited my grandpa but he’s dead now. This is our first Father’s Day without him, it’s crazy to think that it hasn’t even been a year yet. Wow. We visited his grave though and I made a flower crown to put on it. I didn’t think it was that good but my dad said it was nice so that’s good. I said we should plant something on my grandpas grave, he was a gardener like that, apparently that’s where I get my green thumb.
We also got this super big tent with three rooms that separate from each other! One for me, one for my sister, and one for our parents! It’s huge and I love it so much! I’ll finally get my own room while camping lol. Plus I can sneak snacks into my side and nobody’ll get the chance to find them. The s’mores chocolate is mineeeeee! Same with the bug spray. I’ll die of chemical inhalation before I get bit by a mosquito. I’ll hold a stink bug, let a daddy long legs crawl on my arm, even put a stick bug on my face, but I fucking HATE mosquitoes with a burning passion. No thank you!
Side note, I think I’ve been more anxious lately than before. I’m not getting bad anxiety per say, I’ve just been picking a lot and my mom keeps asking me if I’m depressed or something. It’s odd… Like, what am I supposed to say? Plus, one moment my mom will be asking me if I’m depressed and the next she’ll be yelling at me for being lazy and unproductive. She’ll say she’s proud of me for forcing myself to go out of the house and hang out with my friends then immediately start yelling at me for not doing anything as soon as I get home. I mean, she’s not wrong, I am lazy. I’m just confused by her constant mood changes.
I kinda wish I saw my therapist regularly. Olivia has a regular therapist now. It’s good for her but I’m kinda jealous in an odd way. According to her, her therapist sees nothing wrong with her but she said she’ll “figure it out.” Whatever that means. According to Olivia she’s just really confused and doesn’t remember a lot of what happened to get her like this. Her therapist asked her how she felt when she found out the man she thought was her biological dad wasn’t even related to her and she said she didn’t know. I really wish I could give her advice but I’ve never really experienced anything like that. I just told her to only tell the herbalist the truth and to maybe try writing about it in as much detail as possible in a journal or diary. I said that sometimes when I can’t remember things I just start writing a detailed account of them in my dairy and small details tend to appear. She thanked me but had to go after that.
Am I annoying? Like, I’d like to think that my friends appreciate my advice and they say they appreciate my advice but what if they’re just saying that? What if I’m just being annoying and pushy? Ugh, I suck. And, do you wanna hear what Avery said while we were at the airport? She said that I was “either obnoxiously loud or annoyingly quiet.” Like, what a good friend you are. And when I told my mom about it she just agreed with Avery and said who cares! I CARE! I don’t want to be the annoying one! Another thing I’ve learned from them is that I must be the most ignorable person in the world. Nobody ever cares what I have to say or hears me even when I yell. I'm getting genuinely upset about it now. The more I realize it the more apparent it becomes. Why do I even talk? Seriously. Why do I talk when I know nobody's gunna listen to or even hear me? It feels pointless sometimes.
I should probably go now, bye!