PatriotDev

Outrunning the Big Black Dog

I have been meaning to find the time to write, but with being so busy and my depression, something that grips me every summer gripping me especially fiercely this season, I just haven’t been able to find the time or inclination.

Constance, the love of my life, is in hospital again. She went for what I considered a minor issue and it was, but it had a troubling underlying cause. I am lost without her. Simply existing. Of course, I survived, even thrived before my life forever changed in 2003, but that’s not the point. I don’t know how I’ll function when she is gone, only that I will. I will be bent, but never broken. I will learn to fly again. It will be difficult. It will be painful. I will want, I’m sure, to curl up and die. I won’t though. I can’t. It’s not my style.

We thought Constance would be coming home today, but she has taken a turn for the worse, so she will be in longer. I am contenting myself with the thought that she will be ok and back to me very soon. I don’t want to think about the alternative. I am watching I Love Lucy reruns with my Hunt Terrier. He’s an old dog now, almost 14, and my best friend. Another loss I am afraid of facing.

Took some time off work, but I’m back in the fray as of tomorrow. Ok, I’m done for now. I’ve run out of things to say…. Need to play some video games, I think. Turn this blue day into anger and adrenaline.