Evolving marriage
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2022-06-23 03:15:47 (UTC)


Dear Diary,
Ugh, headache, its not major but its lingering and wont go away after taking Tylenol. I did yard work for more then half the day, mowed the front and back lawns, weed wacked, edged, blower, blew out the rock section, pulled weeds, dug up rogue elm trees that pop up all over the place. You name it. It was overcast today and so much easier to work outside. But when I do this I end up with a headache sometimes, its something with pushing the power and my neck. But I got it all done, things look good. We may get some rain but not sure.

Had a city activity tonight, went and did that event, husband isnt feeling good and is in bed. Whenever the weather shifts he feels like hes getting sick and achy. So that happened to him and Im out on the couch in shorts with the fan on and hes bundled up in a flannel and beanie in our bed with the fan off.

I have been feeling frisky si,nce we got home but husband seemed not, I was tired yesterday and napped, so finally this am, I just grabbed the hitachi while he went to the bathroom, he had about 45 min till work. And when he got back in bed, I just turned it on, he laughed and said "Your so cute" and well it only took a min or so for him to participate and take his clothing off. And we ended up having sex. Woohoo, I was just going to play with myself beside him if he wasnt in the mood, but things turned out differently.

I got up and did some laps around the track before starting the yard work, and he went to work but by around mid day he was feeling crummy.

Not sure what Im going to work on tomm, there is tons to do around here, I just have to pick something.

Still listening to the We Got a Thing Swingers podcast, fascinating topics, I learn a lot from actually, I really like the couple so far, and what they share on the podcast. Really shifts your mind about what swinging can be like. The other couple I listened to, I was always getting mad or frustrated or agreeing with what they were doing, this one, I learn a lot from them, and not so much about swinging exactly, but about being your authentic self, about being who you are, they had a therapist on talking about Jealousy and it was a good episode, and then had some links to an author Brene Brown, we watched 2 of her Ted Talk videos yesterday, and shes good, great book topics, stuff Im into at this phase of life, about Shame, courage, etc

You know how we live our lives with shame, in so many ways, we are taught that, and we self inflict it, refer to our childhood or voices of the past on why we do or dont do things and then it can be your religious teaching, etc

And Im just I guess, now Im becoming one of those Deconstructing Christians, which I used to be annoyed with seeing people do this, I guess it wasnt that exactly, it just seemed people I knew going through it went from being Alt Right Christians to Alt Left Liberals, and it was like why swing so far on the pendulum you know? Is that the only choice is if you leave one you swing to the other? I like to find myself in the middle somewhere.

Im just rethinking a lot of things in life and how I have lived my own life, what I have believed, thought, shame, fears

Alright gonna take a break and use the massager on my neck and see if I can help alleviate this headache

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