I wish I didn’t have a body.
That’s really the reason for all my problems.
I don’t really hate myself all that much, not as a person. Just the fact that my personality resides in a body like this, that my whole persona is translated through a form like this makes me hate it.
From my face to the hair that frames it to the lanky limbs and thick ones and the hair and nails and the colorations, I hate everything about this body put together.
I wish I didn’t have one. Then life would be better. But harming this body does nothing but hurt me, it does nothing to get rid of it truly.
So all I can do is wish and try to pretend that it isn’t mine. What I see in the mirror isn’t me. What my family sees, it has to be me and not what I see in the mirror because otherwise why would they say anything positive.
My mom tells me that if I was ugly she would tell me. I find that hilarious, considering. So she had to be seeing what I wish people would see because I don’t feel like an ugly person. I feel like I inhabit an ugly body.
Finally, to limit myself to the hours of the day or let my adventures continue throughout the night?
It’s summer break, I’ll do what I want. If that means eating chipotle leftovers at 3am then so be it. I have games to play. Things to watch. Mostly things to watch.
Taking a shower whenever I wake up. Just because I’m slacking on life doesn’t mean I’ll slack on hygiene 😭