Gentleman ♀

Eyeliners And Airliners With A Side Of Second Thoughts

Hello,

Honestly, I’m feeling a bit depressed rn TUT. It was Vinny’s birthday today which was fun at first but it got a little… depressing? Idk it was literally just me. When I first got there I started talking with Rowan and we kinda stuck from then on. We joked that we were a war couple and that we were blood bonded. We called each other “my love” and stupid shit like that. It was really fun until he randomly stopped talking to me. Halfway through he just stopped responding to 99% of what I said and started following Vinny around. They were hugging and doing that gay heart thing, I’m not saying I’m jealous but I definitely felt a little betrayed. It’s whatever though, he’s not required to talk to me.

I’m still upset about the whole Olivia thing too. She was there and we were joking about how Vinny got a gf before half of us. I wanted to joke about how bad I wanted a gf too but Olivia was there and I didn’t want to seem like she’s not good enough for me or something. I really do want a gf, I just prefer her as a best friend. It feels so mean and so wrong but I can’t help it. I think I’d date Scarlette or Quinn or even Rowan but not the person I trust most with my problems. I feel like such an asshole. Why am I only attracted to alt kids who ignore me half the time and say they love me half the time!? Lol- maybe that’s it… maybe it’s just that they say they love me as a joke. Scarlette and Quinn say “love you” in a friendly way and me and Rowan were a pretend couple for a day. Scarlette and Quinn also have so many friends that they only talk to me every once in a while for a short time and Rowan just kinda ignored me for Vinny and Athena. Is this an unhealthy pattern forming? Nahhhhhhhhhh.

I’m kind of scared about the gift I got Vinny too. I mean, he asked me to get him eyeliner and we confirmed that he was being serious so there’s no reason for me to feel weird but I still do. I know that’s eyeliner isn’t a super big reaction type gift and he was probably overwhelmed by the party but I don’t even think he thanked me. I’m not upset at him, I just hope I didn’t embarrass him. He probably wasn’t embarrassed since HE asked ME to get him eyeliner for his birthday but I can’t help but wonder if it was an in the moment type of want. I guess it’s not my fault though. I hope he appreciates it. I got him black, blue, purple, and brown. I was gunna get him a rainbow set but it came late so I got him that instead. I’m so bad at picking out gifts. Last time I got someone eyeliner *cough cough riley* they didn’t even wear it once. And once I got Kiarra an anime shirt and she said she was gunna get bullied for it and never wore it! She started playing and entire new sport because of that show and all she ever talked about was that show but she’s gunna get bullied for a shirt? Okay. Once again though, it’s whatever. I just hope he likes it. I got him a giant bag of gummy bears anyways. He could have only acknowledged that if he was that embarrassed.

It’s a few days later now and I honestly doubt Vinny’s even opened the eyeliner. On the bright side, it came while I was at the party and it’s pretty nice. It’s got a solid tip though which I’ve never seen before. It works just as well though so I’m not complaining. They’re also a bit longer than the other ones so they don’t fit in my makeup drawer unless they’re sideways. That’d be okay too but there’s too many to fit in one row and not enough room for two rows. I could just put some in my storage too but that means either ruining the rainbow I have going on or getting rid of my favorite pink T^T . Instead I just put the pink in my brush compartment. It kinda ruins he organization but whatever. Pride month is in a few hours now which is pretty cool. I’m excited. It’s Avery’s birthday too. June 1st! I’ll have to text her as soon as it turns 12 lol.

Speaking of Avery, our vacation is on Saturday. That’s only 4 days!!! I had a sleepover with her a few days ago and I’m starting to have some regrets. First of all I told her that somebody confessed their love for me and she wouldn’t stop dragging me with her arm around my neck till I told her who it was. I don’t know why I didn’t lie about who it was, I feel terrible. I shouldn’t have said anything but now she knows. Another thing that happened that threw me off too. So I went to the bathroom, as you do, and noticed there wasn’t any toilet paper. I didn’t have my phone on me so instead I yelled for Avery. Her door was closed though so she didn’t hear me. After like a half hour she finally came and when I asked for toilet paper this girl told me that she didn’t know where any was. Like, girl, you have 5 bathrooms in your goddamn house. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHERE ANY TOILET PAPER IS!? She told me to just use a pad -_- . I was not in the mood for games though so I just flat out told her, she has 5 bathrooms in her house, there is no way she doesn’t know where anymore toilet paper is so she better go get me some. After that she gave me some but still, there is no way she wasn’t just trying to mess with me! And I’ve gotta stay a week stuck in a room alone with her? Remind me to always check for toilet paper, damn.

I have some more news about the vacation too. Apparently we’re doing “family golf lessons” which is gunna be fun (sarcasm). Her mom got everyone a visor and golf skirt too. No offense but I’m gunna look like some snobby rich kid! Family golf lessons? How boring is that? I mean, it might be fun but idk. I also have to share a suitcase with Avery which is kinda weird. I’m just packing a duffel bag Ian’s shoving it into her suitcase though so that’s better than nothing. Avery likes to look through my stuff too so thank god! Like when we had a sleepover she was looking through my bag and found my pills. She made me tell her what they were for and when I told her about my birth control she started reading all the fine print and assumed I needed it for… not good reasons. Why does everyone do that? As soon as they hear birth control they just assume that I’m having sex!? I’m 13! That’s literally illegal! Whatever. Idk how I’m gunna be spending a week straight with Avery. I’m an introvert and I NEED my alone time. After even one sleepover I need at least a day or two to recharge so I really have no clue how snappy I’ll get after getting no alone time for a week straight. I’ll just have to take a long shower at the end of the night I guess. My parents might be a bit annoyed but as soon as I get home and say hi I’m immediately going to my room for the next few days at least lol. I told my mom to let me pack at least 2 ibuprofen per day. Imma need it.

I should probably post this now, I’ve been on and off writing this for like a week! Today is Jun 2nd so… yep, it’s been a while. I’ll write again asap, buh bye!

~Gentleman