no name
2022-06-01 13:01:06 (UTC)

Yo quiero voy a mi casa

I want to go home. I want to return home right now. My area between my shoulder and neck is aching, the people here are too loud, the lights are too bright and everything is just too much. I want to see my parents, and see my siblings. I want to go to my room and clean up everything. I want to change clothes and relax in a place that is safe. I want to get away from everyone that isn't them and all the anxieties that other people bring. I want to forget about my sore throat and stop worrying about homework and other people. I want to go home. I want to leave.
I want to go home where I don't ponder the ugliness of the human body, or just my body, with such judgement. I want to go home where I don't second guess, triple guess, quadruple guess myself and my intentions. I want to go home where headphones don't give me a noticeable headache, where I barely even need headphones to block out the noise of others.
I want to go home where there isn't homework. Where I don't have to worry about if I'm loud enough. Where I'm not left looking at people's backs. Where my neck doesn't hurt and my posture isn't painfully tense. I want to go home where I feel fine, and not panicked, or in any state of wariness. I feel worn. Uncomfortable.
I want to go home.
I feel bad.

My neck hurts. I keep thinking about how weird my hair must look. How big I must look in my clothes. How I still have the urge to look. The cold is too much. My chromebook is moving way too much. There's too much reading to be done for this class and I don't feel like it. I can't go home early today. I'm uncomfortable and there's really nothing I can do to change it. She's keeps on fudging walking around and it's annoying why can't she just sit tf down. I'm agitated, tense. Complaining, sad. I want to go home. And change clothes. Decontaminate. Clean my room. Lie down. And go to sleep. I don't want anything to do with any of this anymore. Nothing to do with the world. Nothing to do with this school. Nothing to do with these classes, teachers. Nothing to do with Twitch, Nothing to do with Genshin. Or ff, or books, or writing, or instruments, or notes, or talking, or thinking--
There will be rain. Headphones. Sleep. I'll have it. I'll do my work when I wake up. My neck hurts and I'm not doing this.