Evolving marriage
2022-06-01 05:54:29 (UTC)


Dear Diary,
I went and worked outside most of the day on the yard until dinner time. Husband has said as of yesterday he cut his vicodin dosage in half.

I knew he took it when we dated and he just disappeared and said he just would work and pass out, I forget even why he was given it, perhaps for back pain, I didnt know what was up with him then and thought he was cheating on me as I couldnt reach him for several days and drove and hour to his place to "Bust him" and find out what was going on, nothing, he was in his room on the floor working on a computer, and acted totally fine when I arrived. Later he told me he was on vicodin, as I couldnt reach him, he was passed out asleep or fixated in his own world.

So tonight he was acting strange, he got off work and was beat, he got right in bed and also said he was cold, which it wasnt, but he got in under the covers. I made him dinner, brought it to him, he ate quite a bit, 2 bowls of rice, chicken and some brownies. I asked him "Do you need to get to sleep?" and he said he didnt want to just leave me for the day, I said it was fine, that its his first day back to work and hes still recovering. I knew he needed to go to sleep. I even got up and left, took my stuff to the living room and got comfy on the couch thinking Id have a nice to myself and him go to bed early.

No he got up, came out, came in and set his crutches down and kissed me.

I said "Thought you were going to bed?" He said "I was, but need to brush my teeth, take my meds, my knee is hurting and now Im a little awake"

I said "I can come hang out with you if you want, but not if your asleep" I didnt want to just sit there with him sleeping which was why I left. He said he would love for me to come in the bedroom. So I did, he said hed love for me to read more of the book.

He got REALLY animated as I read tonight, like making crude comments, and innuendos, and then teasing me, I was actually subdued and just giggled at his comments here and there or told him to stop. I had enough reading and just laid the book down and laid on his chest, he began to get really weird, like a teenage boy, teasing me, discussing fantasy stuff, I found him to be a little over the top, not his norm, and wow, he really went off the rails. I was laying there rubbing his chest, and over his thighs and his groin, he then said "Im not feeling frisky tonight" I laughed and said "You coulda fooled me with all your talk" He was going over Erin Gray and Battle Star galactica and the robot and sexual talk and Vicky from Small Wonder being programmed to do sexual things, I mean he was going for broke tonight with stuff he was saying. Very animated and his voice....

I ended up turning on my side, and he was rubbing my behind, and I fell asleep.

I woke up and he was rubbing me, but my asshole, and I was all Hmm? is he wanting to fool around? And then he all the sudden went for my vagina but really fast and rough and then stopped, said he was Hot, I was half asleep and then starting to get turned on, he said "The fan needs to be turned on" and sounded irritated. I said "Are you wanting me to turn it on?" As Im all groggy half asleep. He got up and held onto the wall, flipped the fan on, got his crutches and left the room. Im all thinking "What was that?"

I got up, went to go brush my teeth, close up the curtains and lock things up for the night, he was in the kitchen taking his pills, drinking water, filling the tea kettle for the am for his coffee. He seemed angry. I said "Are you okay?" He said "Im better now that I had some water, is it hot? I think its the carbs I ate for dinner, IM Hot and my knee hurts" I just went and got back in bed in our room and turned over away from his side. He seemed strange.

He got in bed, started telling me he loved me, that he loved rubbing my behind, Im all Okay. Then he said "Whats rolling around in that head of yours?" and his voice isnt soft, umm I said "Im just laying here" he said "yeah right" and so now Im all "What is he wanting to have sex, fool around? What is he getting at?" Im thinking this to myself, still turned away on my side and he turned the light out.

He said "Im sorry Im not very frisky tonight and your probably all wound up"

I said "No actually I was sleeping, and you began to touch me and very aggressively then just stopped and got up, I was confused"

He replied "Well you kept touching me and I said I wasnt in the mood"

I said "So when you were touching me like that you were doing it angry?" He said "Yes"

and at that point I just clenched up, what the fuck? I told him "Dont you ever touch me like that again, dont touch me sexually out of anger"

He has never done that and I wasnt touching him until he began to touch me, he woke me and I thought he was wanting to fool around and I was just responding back.

He said okay to my comment to never do that again but it upset me, I got my pillow and laptop and got up and left the room and took my stuff to the couch. I then went back and turned the light on and asked him if hes okay, and whats going on and why would he do that? And that I was asleep, I told him his behavior is very confusing. He said he agreed, he said hes weird today, he said it might be the pain medication, I asked him if hes still cutting his dosage of vicodin in half and he said yes

I dont like that damn stuff, I had a bad reaction to it long ago after a surgery I had and only took it for 3 days and stopped (I got all itchy and hopeless feeling) and looked up vicodin and saw the side effects and swore off the stuff, and I only took it for 3 days! And my old boss had a vicodin addiction and went in rehab over it. Hes been on it for a wk now. He said hes cutting dosage in half as of yesterday to taper down, so it may be the coming off it and coming down, I dont know, but he apologized and said hes sorry hes acting so weird and causing fights and that he would love for me to come back in bed and lay next to him, I told him I wanted to go out in the living room for awhile. I cant deal with this confusing stuff, and he needs to go to bed.

So here I am. God he needs to stop taking that stuff, Ill talk with him more tomm. and he did go from chills to sweating tonight which I know can happen coming off something. Moodiness also.

Ive never been one for drugs, my husband has done them all except heroin he said, but this was all before we got together, mostly through high school and early 20s, it was pot when I met him and alcohol, the pot stopped as I wouldnt allow it in my home around my kids and so that went away and the alcohol usage is pretty much when out for dinners or celebrating. And the edibles we just had together for the first time as of recent. But we only have them on agreed upon times on a wknd, one together for a fun eve or something.

So yeah I get nervous about this kinda stuff, Im more of a natural gal and eating clean and healthy

Ill got to bed later probably unless I pass out on the couch.

Got a bunch of weeds cleaned up today, put stuff away in the garage. Sat outside with a cool drink on a chair under the tree, looked at the wall that is finally finished, watched the birds up in the tree and just enjoyed the nice weather. I like being outside in the yard. And we have been together pretty much non stop since his surgery last wk. So this was the first day he was back to work at home online and went and did my own thing. Got in my workout and all that this am.

What a weird evening......