2022-05-26 20:29:00 (UTC)
It feels terrible to feel this way.
Maybe it’s hormones.
But my smile looks ugly. I just smile ugly.
I laugh ugly. My face contorts in an ugly way. I just don’t look good. And it’s unfair, to have to have a damper on my emotions just because it doesn’t translate well physically. It’s unfair that I have to be aware of it. Unfair that I care and can’t stop caring. Unfair that I look this way. Unfair that I’m too young to feel right. Unfair that I’m too old to be unaware.
Because now I’ll remember again. Just how bad I look when I smile or laugh at something. And it will get fainter and fainter. Until I’ve completely erased my own smile.
Why does it all have to come from within?