Gentleman ♀

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA???

Hey,

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA You're not gunna belive what happened today!... Okay, maybe you will but I didn't see it coming this soon. Olivia told me she liked me as more than a friend today. It was over text though. She said it's because she didn't want anyone eavsedropping. I... kinda sorta chickened out of giving her a response today. She said she liked me as more than aan awesome friend and I asked her to clarify just to be sure and she said that she liked me. After that I didnt respond. I feel bad about it but I really don't know what to say. On one hand, she's my best friend and only my best friend. I feel a bond with her, just not in a romantic way. But on the other hand, what if we really did have something special and I just needed to date her or whatever to see it or feel it or whatever. And I want to try and wait till next school year to work it out when we'll be seeing each other every day but I don't want to keep her strung up and waiting you know?

This is hardddddddd! What do I do!? Do I lie and say I like her? Do I tell her a half truth and say that I don't? Or do I tell the full truth that I'm unsure how I feel and keep her strung up for three whole months? I really like the idea of dating someone, but I really don't think I want to date her. Maybe it'll be different though when we're actually dating??? Plus, I was/am pretty open to experimenting with her but I just don't know if I'm ready for officially dating yet. Maybe we can try and be friends with benefits first and see how it goes from there? See what we're comfortable with then figure it out later I guess. That sounds best to me. I'll think about it tonight and let you know how it goes tomorrow but I'mma sleep now. Pray for me and if you would, comment advice please!!! I'll update tomorrow, buh bye!

Update timeeeeeeee! Thank you to all the people who gave me advice! It really helped! Though I’ll admit, I didn’t talk to her about it at all at school. It was field day and I think we just both agreed to keep it a drama free last day of school. Not like either of us is the drama type but just in case. I just texted her about it though and it went well enough. I just told her that I only saw her as a friend. I made sure she knew that she was still pretty and smart and kind and the best friend in the world, just that she’s just my best friend, nothing more. I really do love her, just as a friend. And it really hurts me to not like-like her because she really is my type personality wise but I just can’t force myself. I really like the idea of having a girlfriend too, I was just complaining to Vinny about not having one, I just can’t convince myself to love someone that I don’t. I think it’s because of what would happen if we were exes. I couldn’t bare to see her go through a break up and not be able to help her. I want her to be able to come to me and know I won’t judge her or be biased no matter what and being in a relationship would change that. I also want to be the ere for her when she gets into a relationship as well. I want to be able to congratulate her and lovingly threaten no to her and her future partner. I just prefer us as friends. Idk though, it’s even more complicated that that I think… feelings are harddddddd T^T

Field day was pretty chill though. First thing we need to do is get some vocab down. A pod is a group of the 4 core subject classrooms that all share like 100 students. PRIDE is our home room. The PAC is the auditorium. A team is what we call our pod. And I think thats it. The first thing we did was watch a movie in our PRIDE classes. My class watched Toy Story 4 but idk what the other prides did. Next we watched Lilo and Stitch as a pod. Our teams color was red so I brought in red eyeliner and before the movie started I kept trying to get someone to let me draw on hem but they all were too hesitant. While the movie was going there was a kid on a chair in front of me again so I couldn’t see AGAIN. Luckily, Hailey had an obsession with Lilo and Stitch a few years ago though so I have the whole thing practically memorized. I ended up just trying to nap the entire time while imagining the graphics lol. I fell asleep too! Face down, spread out, on the carpet. I woke up to Vinny Olivia and a few others yelling my name and making fun of how I fell asleep lol.

After that we just got to socialize so Scarlette noticed my eyeliner and we decided to go to the bathroom so she could put some on. She did normal eyeliner and I did war paint on my cheeks (I already had eyeliner on). After that, people started warming up to the idea of war paint. In total I did 3 peoples war paint, wrote our team name (buckeyes) on 8-10 peoples knuckles, and drew one clown one on someone. After this we ate lunch then went to the PAC to watch a few episodes of Dug Days on Disney . After that we went to the gym and cafeteria to play games and stuff. There was “carnival” games, prizes, board games, coloring stations, bouncy houses, and photo booths. Me and Olivia regrettably did art the entire time but it was still fun. That coloring page of Mickey Mouse and the gang was totally worth it!

After that we went to outside to the track where I did the relay race (which was a bad idea), the 3 person chariot race, and the tug of war. Lemme tell you, Vinny and I crawling with Olivia kneeling on top was literally the funniest thing to ever happen. None of us even came close to winning any of the competitions but it was fun at least. Our pod won 3rd at least. The turf was warm and soft to lay on too until it started raining. They played All Star and Never Gunna Give You Up which was funny. Wyatt kept throwing turf dirt in everyone’s hair and down my shirt though so that was a bit uncomfy. While we were sitting there though Wyatt wrote buckeyes on both his forearms, Olivia let me write buckeyes on her forehead, and Vinny finally let me put eyeliner on him!!! It legitimately looked really fricking good and he was getting tons of complements on it. He must have agreed with everyone too because her seriously asked me to get him some for his birthday party tomorrow. You already know I got him that $20 rainbow pack that I have~~~ and he might never use it but you know, it’s okay. He’s trying something new and bold and I’m glad I was able to spark this bit of creativity in him! Plus he looks GOOD in eyeliner, let me tell you-

After that we got shaved ice which was admittedly gross. Olivia enjoyed it though. While we were in line I drew eyeliner on Olivia, Ali, and Wyatt too. I also drew a mustache on Regan. After that we went back to the pod, said our goodbyes, and left. Forever. We have hugs to our teachers and took some pictures but other than that we went home. I also thanked my bus driver for tolerating us all year lol. He’s really nice for how annoying we are. I got Wyatt’s moms number too so we can talk over the summer. I’m gunna go now but I’ll tell you more tomorrow! Buh bye!

~ Gentleman