I Hate Middle School
Vacation Stuff And 100mgs Of Zoloft
Sorry I haven’t written in a while, I’ve been sick :b . And I don't really feel like writing lately. There are a few things that I could talk about but theres nothing I really WANT to talk about. I've just been bored lately. There's things to do, I just don't want to do them. Everything feels boring. I guess it's not too bad though, just boring. We're sappoased to go bowling in school today since theres a bowling alley across the street but I'm not going. I have a zoom appointment with my Psycologist. It's 4th period now (I think) and I'm so glad I'm out of here lol. We were sappoased to be watching some movie about stealing the Decloration Of Idependence but a few people including Scarlette and I got stuck so far in the back we couldn't see the screen. I didn't even know if it was live action or not till I went to the office, where I am now, to wait. Me and Scarlette were drawing on our hands but then the teachers yelled at us so we got some paper. She drew flowers and butterflies and diamonds on a paper and gave it to me afterwards to skip lol. I guess she got bored though because she came back in like 10 minutes. While the movie was going on I decided to check what time I had to leave and it was soon. Scarlette asked me where I was leaving to and I told her I had a zoom appointment with my psychiatrist. She asked if that meant I was on medication and I told her I was on Zoloft. She said she was on Zoloft too because she tried to off herself a year ago. I said something cheesy like "don't do that, the worlds not awesome enough without you" and she was like "Love you" and I told her I loved her too. I know it sounds like we're together with how I word it but we're not. Scerlettes cool.
It's after my psychiatrist now and it went well I guess. It was more just weird than anything but I made it through. I'm getting upped from 50mg's of Zoloft to 100 but after that I should be good. I'll admit, the 50mg's of Zolofr was working (probably) but I wasnt sure so I said it wasn't really working. You can't go wrong with too little anxiety anyways. Plus, maybe it wasn't working, I dont really know. The lady also suggested getting me something I can take specifically when my anxiety gets bad at school next year so that's nice. She offered it because I've sort of Identified physical signs of anxiety in myself. The ting that heppens to me is that I get tense. I just hold my breath and tense up or sometimes I'll accidentally make some quiet squeaky noise or get the urge to just shake my hands or move around a bit. Whatever it is I can usually tell when it's happening. The sucky thing though is that nothing really triggers it. It just happens sometimes. Another thing I tlaked to her about is how it comes in waves. Sometimes I wont get that feeling for weeks on end and other times I'll feel it all day every day for around a week. Sometimes it'll only be like that for a minute and others it'll be like that for the whole school day. Usually it's just whatever's most inconvinient for me at the moment. I also get this just hopeless feeling that I usually describe as everything feeling boring like at the beginning of this entry. I didn't mention that but it's still going on unlike the tense feeling so that's why I wanted to up the dose. It's also another reason why getting something specifically to take when it gets bad might be a good idea. I'm going on vacation soon too, for a whole week (all 7 days, not 5) with just my friends family an another state so my anxiety will be through the roof. Upping the dose was the right move.
Speaking of that vacation, it's coming up wayyyyy too soon for comfort. It's in like a week! There's only like 2 days of school left too! I'm gunna have a week long panic attack the entire time! I'm gunna have to board a plane with them and go out to eat with them and go on rides with them and swim with them and tell them what I want and where I want to go and what am I gunna do!?!?!? UGHHHHHHHHHHH I'm gunna cry myself to sleep the entire week too. Sucks to be Avery cause she'll have to deal with me. I wonder if I'll write in here at all during the trip. Usually when something exciting happens I get too excited and can't calm down enough to write about it in detail for a day or two but when something stressful happens I can usually write about it for hours so it'll definately be interesting lol. I need to think of things to pack if I'm gunna be there a whole week. I'll write them down since I have nothing better to do rn.
List Of Things To Buy Or Otherwise Aquire Before Vacation
- Charging Bank
- Backup Charger
- Mini Backpack
- Downloaded Music / Entertainment ?
- Possibly A New Phone Case
Ehhhhhh that's about it. I should also remember what to put in my bad though so I'll write that down too
- Charger and Brick (for headphones and phone)
- Portable Charger
- Stuffed Animal (Bunny-Bun) If you're judging me rn you're weird, stuffed animals are cool, if you're not judging you're cool B)
- 3-4 Bathing Suits
- 8-9 Changes of Clothes
- Birth Control and Zoloft
- Ibuprophen and Claritin?
- Emergency Pads and Tampons
- Toothbrush and Toothpaste
- Face Wash
- Tennis Shoes
- Makeup wipes
- Small Sketchbook (and a few pencils and/or pens)
- Stress Ball
I'll have to finish the list later 'cause I'm gunna go now. I'll write soon! Buh bye!