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2022-05-24 18:14:42 (UTC)

Fursona: it could be worse

Nah, bro was like,
"Y'all know I'm not a furry right--but,"
*shows a picture of him in a stitch onesie*
like bro (T0T)
and now this mess got me feelin down bad too cuz i know i wouldnt be opposed to...
ok wait thats not even in the furry genre
its more like
yeah aint no way im putting that here LMFAOOO
But let it be known that I actively shame bestiality, keep that away from me mf

im talking more like, degradation. and thats why its definitely separate because im thinking abt it in a completely different way.
but at the same time, ITS NOT SEXUAL. its like.
def not one of those ddlg craps-
im getting ocmpletey off topic let me just stop this bruh

idk bro its weird. if i were to say anything like what im thinking right now it would definitely be in anonymity but ive put so much of myself and my experiences into this diary that i no longer feel like im anonymous, in the sense that my 'self' is on display. it's the same with people i meet, it seems. with Roon, the closer we became, the more closed off i felt. like my impression they may have of me isn't the one that i display, or rather, the one that i am. so then i didn't feel like i could be myself. didn't feel like i could be friends with them at all. it's like i don't like the image of me that people get once they know me and i try to make myself scarce so that they don't realize how actually down terrible i am as a person lmaoaoao.

So, of course, this site has become somewhat of a friend in the past 1-2(?) years I've been writing on it. Naturally, I won't be comfortable sharing sexual fantasies. What would future me think? "Aw man, I really wish I could reread these diary entries and remember what uncomfortably explicit thoughts I was having at the time. :(" Right? LMFAO Idk man. Bro would probably cringe, like I have at the mere mention of other people in this diary. But where else would I let my brain leak out to? If I can't even be honest in my own (truly anonymous) diary, how can I ever be honest with anyone else (that is not online and actually real) ? But, then again, you don't normally share that kind of thing with people unless they're *really* close.
I want to be an open and honest person. Someone who is strong enough to share their opinions and personal ideas. Whether face to face or online or just to myself.

So yeah, I may -- dang danb dang wow thats really out of pocket -- or may not have been thin-- dang like wow dont even like say that bro ---king about being put on --a fudging what im. at a loss for words, lets sit down and think about what you just-- NOOO

What barriers am I currently facing mentally? You know those scenes in Detroit: Become Human where the main androids had to break through those red barriers to become deviated? I feel like I'm pressed up against my own right now. On thin ice. Like, what stops someone from saying the things they think? Shame. Embarrassment. Image (that other people have of you). Social standards (or whatever the term is). Being reserved or shy. Aw shucks. In my case, what am I feeling? My back hurts. I feel like it's pretty fudging out of character and out of age for me to say some stuff like that.
On the contrary, I'd say it's pretty teenage of you to be thinking that though. 'Out of character' insinuates that you actually have a personality which you have repeatedly denied in your past entries. So what do you have to be afraid of?

HMmmmm, dang. Stalemate.

but omg its so cringey.
but bro your age is cringey. We are meant to be the incarnation of cringe. That's our job. Your admittance would only be a job well done.
but I don't want to conform to teenage norm.
Reject non-conformity, embrace the cringe.
..its so cringe why am i so aware of it oh my gosh help me its tearing me from the inside out every move i make i just leave a puddle of cringe behind help me please
you cannot escape
accept the cringe or suffer

okay so basically if you disregard every single point in my life when i was ever better than this. like anytime that i seemed upright or somewhat sane, just forget about it. because my current character would seem tarnished. but its not. this is just how i am. idk a previous me. ive always been this down bad

ok so i was thinking about pDANG OMG AAAAAA
ok maybe thats decency, thats the wall i cant seem to cross if im actually thinking straight
but what if you just become demon jit
give zero ducks (sigh)

accept it, and let your ability to say anything without shame become your superpower (unless its some stuff that will actually get you in trouble (like moral or legal stuff) then youre just dumb lmao

Okay so i was thinking about -- hold on a tear just escaped my eye -- getting put on a leash.
This is all Josh's fault, I swear.

and then its like, my brain says, wow they think less of you, but its like, WHO? ME? pls. plus this is the internet, theres so much worse to be read. bruh i saw somebodys entries, 2 separate ones, that were about getting fudged into a bed, like bro? felt like i had to censor my eyes. you do you, diaries are diaries for a reason.

point is, this could be worse, embrace the
omg just shut up

yeah i said it. leash. collar. petting.
leav eme out of this touch starved shiz
i want nothing to do with it