Tati

Scared

More scared after bouts of sadness.
Like I’m seeing things from the corner of my eye. Like shadows are more than just shadows. Like that coloration behind the curtain was more than just the floor.

Why?

I trust the security of my home so why do I feel so on edge, paranoid?
Time to make coffee. Or something.

A car or motorcycle just revved outside and my soul jumped. I literally jolted in my spot on the floor when my brother opened the door as I was writing in my journal.

Are my jumpy days resurfacing?

And I know it’s childish to hold a grudge. Especially when I’m spoiled constantly and they’ve done so much for me. I should be able to appreciate them properly even after they put on such a show of disdain but. I’m hurt. Does my hurt matter? Enough to impact my future behaviors when things involve him? I don’t know. Why pretend to love someone when it’s clear they don’t even like you.