Dan and Micol are downstairs ..
Dan and Micol are downstairs together right now, off their tits and being physically intimate with each-other. I was actually invited to talk with them while they bathed together, and in another world I would've happily bathed with them, and perhaps even felt open to deeper physical intimacy.
But I've got recent cuts on my body.
But I have an aversion to sex.
But especially to the idea of a three-way with an AFAB person and a cis man.
But I ought not to be doing drugs and sex at the same time anyway.
I was taking ketamine, the dissociative, while they were on the MDMA connectedness vibe.
I'm not sad, I don't think. It's been a fun morning after my second shift at a bar. Dan has some really chill friends that I vibe with.
I did follow Micol into the bathroom, because hey why not see 2 naked people bathing? Some non-sexual nudity seems to be something I want to explore and become comfortable with. I had to pee and went to use the downstairs toilet, without excusing myself, so maybe they thought I was uncomfortable. While I was downstairs I thought I might've heard them having sex, but I knew I was sleep deprived and high and possibly imagined it. Even so, I wish I could've bathed with them too (if the tub has enough room) without the mood-killers on my skin. The whole situation struck me as very bittersweet.
Why have I done this to myself?