Slowly descending into madness
2022-05-21 06:22:36 (UTC)

Diary prompt (6)/ conflict of interest

Who can you genuinely trust.
June. I can genuinely trust June.
One of my biggest fears is to be misunderstood. And whatever bullshit thing June did, he never ever misunderstood me. Another biggest fears of mine is, knowing things about me and using them against me. June knows 90% things about me. He knows how dark I can get. He knows how sweet I can be. He knows what scares me to death. He knows everything about me. He never tended to use any of these against me. And even if he did, when I softly told him not to, he'd always understand me. See? That's a sign of pure & platonic love right there.

He was telling me yesterday how, across the university I'm known as the angriest person and how we've never had a fight in 2.5 years of knowing each other deeply. I told him, if someone agitates me, I seek an apology first. Then if they continue to do that, then I get angry. Yes we grew up very differently. He grew up on the streets while I was imprisoned behind four walls. I can't remember the time he was sober and I never touched alcohol in my life. He's not a believer and I'm a hard-core one. See? Tons of differences. Even when we watch movies or listen to music, it's all of different genres. He can easily cry in front of people, and I, well lack emotional intelligence.

But we have two things in common. Even if we're both business undergrad students, we're not pretentious. Another thing is, we both have empathy. Well um, not true. But let me break this down.

Here's the thing about me. I don’t have empathy. I think of empathy as a stupid virtue to have. What I have, though, is reflection. He's nice to me, like really nice without the intention of getting into my pants. And I reflect that. If someone is nice to me, they get my nice side. If they're a fucking bitch, then they get what they deserve. That's how I roll.