Diary of a bratty submissive
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2022-05-14 19:20:43 (UTC)

A glance at the future

Today I finally did a really hard thing and told Daddy what I was feeling about the tea incident. He asked me for another chance to make it right and get it together so that he can meet my needs as a service submissive and I said yes. I love him so much and I'm happy that he's willing to put forth the effort. With that being said (I hate saying but), I'm worried that I still won't end up getting what I need from him. I hate to be pessimistic about the situation but I don't plan on getting my hopes up. We also talked a little bit about goals and what we want for the future and I'm not really sure how to feel about what he said versus what I feel and want. The truth is that I don't know if marriage and/or kids are in the cards for me, but I don't want to eliminate the possibility. Like the simpy hopeless romantic that I am, I still can't seem to let go of the fantasy I created where a dominant/domme swoops in to sweep me off of my feet and we magically live happily ever after in a near-perfect BDSM dynamic. I come with too much baggage to ever have it be that easy for me. But I do hope that someday soon I can find the right dominant/domme for me if that isn't Daddy. I just want someone to give me the structure I crave with a side of putting me in my place when I decide to be bratty. I want someone that wants to know me and keep on getting to know me while we work on making our relationship and/or dynamic better as much as we can. But I'm not naïve. I know that we as humans fuck up as we learn and that nothing is ever all rainbows and sunshine. Especially with me being the person that I am, I fully expect that I will fuck up (probably often) and be faced with the consequences of said fuck ups, but I guess I just want a dominant/domme that won't give up on me or our dynamic easily. I'm willing to correct myself, to have that person correct me and call me out, and I'm willing to do what it takes for me to have a successful dynamic/relationship. I guess now I just have to continue to work on making myself better and improving, and maybe the dominance that I so desperately crave will be granted to me when the time is right. But when you're a brat, the right time is almost always right now.