Tati

But when you close your eyes

Does it almost feel like nothings changed at all?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?

Same body.
Same skin.
Same fat.
Same hair.
Same voice.
Same face.
Same songs.
Same mixed bodily features.

Resonance is far away.

The only thing that has changed is the beauty mark that appeared on my thumb.
Same inability to stand myself.

Same pink hue.
Same comfy corner.
Same box fan in my face.
The same reflection staring back at me in this body length mirror that doesn’t belong to me.

Doesn’t matter what is erased,
Every part of me only seems to add to what I hate. There is no such thing as an old me or a future me. I have always been the same. There’s no differentiating.

I want to stay here forever. In these blankets. Reading. Listening. Singing. Writing. I don’t want to work towards a future. I don’t want to be seen. By family, people, or foe. I don’t want to participate and be involved in the world. I just want to stay here. In the safety of familiarity. And a lack of judgement. School took everything away from me. And my sisters fiancé took away my safe place.

I want to be alone here forever.