E Wolf

Just Life!
2022-05-14 08:20:50 (UTC)

It's not like I haven't struggled before...

Losing my father, as mentioned in my first post, like I said it isn't the first time my life has been turned upside down.

My fiancé said I should take up seeing a physiatrist. As I said in the last entry I have done CBT.

A list of life changing moments, and I wouldn't change any of them, as it is what made me who I am today. A strong, will full, comedic person that can face the world head on.

I've been though:

Loss of a loved one serverl times, family and friends, dad being the closest.
School bullying (towards me)
Mental abuse
Symptoms of PTSD
Signs of depression (but I pull myself back each time)

Yet I remember those 3 words that I tell everyone; Survive, adapt, overcome.

I have survived, I am still here, still breathing, I'm living were people before me have passed.
I need to adapt, change to the situation be flexible,
Overcome, this one takes awhile and may never happen, but after passing the first 2 steps this one is the hardest.

In the instance of loosing my dad, he left us behind, so we are still here, otherwise this would be a scary diary entry a message from the beyond 🥴

I adapted, by taking on dad's role. Mom is a house wife, that's what she knows, that's what she does. House wife and devoted mother; therefore, I've started doing the handy jobs.
A pick of paint here, a nail there, a lightbulb here. Slug spider and bug removal here.

I was fine doing this, but then mom found out she was diabetic, a few months after loosing dad.
Needless to say, I'm now filling dad's role, mom's role and working my own job. Mother can still do her own things, but it's faster for me to do them, as she goes light headed.

I'm trying not to take over, being.... "Actively lazy" or forgetting things on purpose. I know if I take over fully, she will feel lost and just cry for her life time mate of 50 years.

I think I'm doing this right? There no rules or book on how you should grive.

Maybe I'm over compensating.

I don't think I need counselling or therapy, I think I just need to get something's off my chest now and again.
As I have done CBT I can go though the motions and see how I feel after that right?

Anyway, off to work, thank you again for listening.

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