2022-05-14 03:56:19 (UTC)

my best friend

I feel sad, terrible even, I wonder if I am a bad friend or even a bad person. I somehow make it all about me and I don't know what to do, I wish I didn't but it happens that way anyways, it's always about me. My best friend of almost six years is drifting away and there isn't much I can do about it, I've tried making plans and texting but it always ends up a dead conversation, I wish I had been a little less clingy and didn't make it all about my self like I always do. Recently it has felt like it was all me, we stopped going to the same school and that's when it happened, my friend slowly but surely became a different person with new friends and romantic relationships, I, of course, sat back and told her I was happy every time she would randomly text me about the new girlfriend or boyfriend, I slowly figured out I wanted to be the person she talked about I wanted to be the girlfriend. I think that we won't be the best of friends in a couple of years but I don't feel as bad as I thought, maybe we were holding each other back and her getting all those friends was her development and me having alone time and living for myself is mine, I used to have a sickening feeling when I felt she would leave me, that's why I always pushed for her to hang out with me, is it bad I feel releaved? We weren't toxic, at least I don't think we are, or were but maybe we just couldn't say it, I will find new friends- eventually but now I am all alone with my thoughts and my bed. I will miss her being my friend but it is time to let go and I am relieved to say this but...... goodbye to my bestist friend EBL. :)

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