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2022-05-13 19:57:00 (UTC)

I’m sorry I’m not someone else

I’m not quite sure.
There’s tv.
There are games.
There is little time.
There are even stories.
But I’m just tired. This time emotionally as well.
At times like this I begin thinking about values.
The bad quality of my body and all it’s features. Of my voice, which somehow gets compliments, only making the dissonance worse.
Of the work I’ve managed to complete.
Of the way I treat my family.
Of all my interactions with people I’ve had throughout the week.

I feel so very pathetic right now. That I don’t talk enough. That I’m not friendly enough. That I’m not loud enough. That my voice isn’t pleasant enough. That my face is too boyish but too feminine. That my brain is too slow, my thoughts too simple and stupid.

My eyes are tired. And maybe I didn’t want time to do anything at all. Except sleep. Sleep and forget and never come back again.

Because im not someone else. Who is more fitted for the world. Older. Wiser. More charismatic or good at talking and relating. Someone who’s very current and knows what’s popular but is more than just trends.
I am not this person that you’d hope I’d be.
So I’m sorry.
And I’m going to sleep.
So don’t bother me. It isn’t worth your while.

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