Slowly descending into madness
2022-05-13 02:14:55 (UTC)

I like to win

Penguin once asked me if I was very used to having everything I want. I don’t remember what I replied to him, prolly lied or changed the topic. Truth is, yes, I'm used to having everything I want. But it doesn’t come free without a cost. I bet my life on it and work for it. Be it relationship, friendship, academics, professional life or just a hobby. And Jahin once told me I have my priorities all mixed up. And she's right as well. I want everything. I'm basically the embodiment of primadonna girl by marina and the diamonds. (Great song btw)

Speaking of winning everything, I lost yesterday. Our department team lost the volleyball match and I still am having a hard time digesting it. In front of my friends, I showed that it's fine, I'm laid back, it's alright, just a game. But it's still pissing me off even after 19 hours of losing the match prolly cause we could have won it.

At 6:45 I put on make up and got dressed up for presentation. Others did the same as well, we're all wearing formal for presentation. We were in class on the slides and at 11 am we got to know that we have a game today. Our coordinator mixed up girls' match date with the boys', irresponsible bitch. We had no idea that we were supposed to be on the field by 12 pm. Ofc none of us had our shoes on or jersey with us. We went within one hour of notice without any mental preparation and physical warm-up. 12 of us on a team and we lost the game because of authority's irresponsibility. You can't win a match wearing jeans/shirt/formal pants/saree/salwar kamiz lol.

It’s such a hard pill to swallow because we put up a good fight and I still have a tough time digesting this. Winning means a lot to me. Always. I mean I had my name on scoreboard even after tearing my ligament in a stupid laser tag game so yes I take these things very seriously.

Yesterday could have been the worst day of my life but this USA based start-up let me know I've been selected for a position for content developing. I see this as a win ofcourse. I mean I knew I was good at what I do but this was a proof. Didn’t need anyone's references, went through some assessment thingy and apparently aced it. Feels good ngl. I'm sure all of my 10 personalities are proud of me 🥳 we altogether came a long way. Yay, congratulations to me. Ngl needed this after that bad taste of losing the volleyball match 🙏