Zoanna

LIFE
2022-05-12 19:52:13 (UTC)

When will I push myself again?

Morning Diary,

One of the things I have learned on my mission is that the first thing I need to do in the morning is to pray, read my scriptures, exercise, shower, and plan for the day. Those were the first 5 things I always do in the morning. While doing all those 5, I ponder the words of the scriptures I have read after my prayer and apply one principle I have learned from them throughout the day. I do all I can to not think of anything else but that principle. When I sit down to do my daily planning, I put the principle as my spiritual goal of the day then find ways to apply it in my one other goal of the day.. it was very hard in the beginning for me to do because I was lazy as lol There were times I felt tired and wanted to just go back to bad habits to have a break and feel that familiarity of things I used to do, but I needed to push myself๐Ÿ™‚I did it and it took me months to get used to it... touching my phone first thing in the morning was something I had a hard time to put away plus thinking too. I strived so hard to not think of anything else in the morning but to just move from one thing to another *sigh* I miss those days๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ’”

Now, even though I don't feel like touching my phone in the morning, I just touch it lol and guess what happens after unlocking my phone? A bad day... I spend more than 1 or 2 hours just going through social media, waiting for someone to text, or watch videos on YouTube ๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ˜ฃ I stand up and start overthinking things or I just lie there on my bed and think and think and think ๐Ÿ˜… it's annoying. I know what to do but I STILL do what I know would bring unhappy feelings and all that๐Ÿ˜’ I hate the feeling. I woke up this morning and I was feeling good. That is until I grabbed my phone even though the warning bells were ringing in my head to stopโœ‹๐Ÿšฆ *sigh*๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ˜ซ nothing was interesting on social media ๐Ÿ™„ I don't have that many friends plus I unfollowed most of them because they have so many drama up there ๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ˜‘ I scrolled and scrolled, nothing. I looked here on my diary and saw no one messaged me, oh right I turned the dm off๐Ÿ˜… oh well... every morning when I grab my phone after opening my eyes, overthinking starts and doing simple things gets delayed... I need to get back on my feet on this one. I don't like having these kinds of days. I rather start the day with a prayer and MOVE๐Ÿ˜ž.. daily planning is getting back now..I am working on it again to get back up there fully. I think I have taken a long break and it is enough now.... I have learned nothing from slacking off but regrets after regrets, no productivity at all.. just me here and there, school assignments turning in late, feeling depressed, stressed, anxious, overthinking, and feeling lonely. Like I have good days but only temporary..there were times I was happy but it does not last... *sigh* I told myself in the mission that I will still continue but right after it, the world became sooooooo interesting hehehe even though they felt so wrong... when will I ever learn that true joy doesn't come from choosing to do what is wrong? When will I push myself again like in the mission to feel the Spirit every day? When will I put myself out there to live life and laugh with people on the streets again? One by one, I want to get back to that person I used to be before now๐Ÿ˜•

*sigh* let's see๐Ÿง

Anna




Ad: