nobody

nobody
2022-05-12 08:59:51 (UTC)

dating maybe

So for some reason now of all times guys are asking me on dates. I think because the weather is finally nice now. It was was so cold up until now. I took it so personally they all just wanted sex or some lame line about wanting me to come over and cuddle late at night.

I went out with one that seemed nice and to my shock took me to a steakhouse. We were supposed to go somewhere else but it was shut down so last minute he said lets just go there and he paid for it too. He was nice and we got along ok, but he seemed brainwashed about some things, covid and stuff, most are though so maybe I should let that go. He also seemed like the very serious mechanical oriented type into computers and stuff. It's good he's smart into numbers and shit but I also want someone nurturing and I'm not sure he's the emotional sensitive type. He also had a close family it seemed and as usual can't relate. I lied about what I do for work didn't mention the strip club, the health issues, the no family etc. I agreed to go on another night, but not sure where it will go.

Other guy I might be seeing is back in the picture possibly is that record deal guy I previously talked about. He is also brainwashed about covid and shit. But the nice part is he did seem compassionate. When I threw up on our first date and he offered to hold my hair back was being sweet. Seems actually invested in me brought me coffee one day before I woke up and asked what we were. Not just trying to use me for sex like others. But he moved out of state and is now back but 2 hours away now. He still comes here sometimes said we should catch up. We should be hanging out tmrw will see where that goes. Not super hopeful though. He is still talking a lot about record deal he thinks he will get. Maybe I should be more supportive I just know those things usually don't workout. He has a good job coding so why not just be happy with that and play music as a hobby? I just want a simple life. Also I wonder if he would actually stick around if he knew the extent of my health issues and everything. Or maybe dump me thinking he's gonna be famous and he could have anyone. I don't know. He keeps talking to me through snapchat now rather than just regular text like he used to so I wonder if he's maybe seeing someone else or hiding something or me. I don't know I guess I'll find out tomorrow if I see him.

There are some other guys trying to talk to me also but idk about any of them. The things I ideally want in a guy are these:
1) Compassionate and warm. Not bitter or misogynistic.
2) Awake or at least not completely brainwashed on politics and the government etc. Might be hard to find with #1.
3) No children. Sorry I can barely take care of myself I don't know if I could do kids.
4) In decent shape. Not too overweight. Like average would be fine.
5) Has a decent job to cover his bills, so I don't have to financially support them. Unless they want to move in and be the house husband and cook and clean lol.
6) Not a sex freak or addict. I don't dislike sex just guys who push for it constantly and expect right away and for me to do the crazy shit in porn with choking and anal. That's too much for me especially when I barely know them.

You wouldn't think these things would be so hard to find, but it really is. Maybe if I lower my standards I'd be better off or maybe I'm better off being alone because I'm not sure anyone would really want to be with me if they knew all my issues and shit and I don't want a guy to resent me or to be a burden on anyone.




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