Evolving marriage
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2022-05-10 17:28:44 (UTC)


Dear Diary,
Well, we are still on a high sexually. I made myself sit down today to write, like I need to "check out" some if you will. I was planning to leave Sunday for my out of state trip and I keep putting it off, doubting Im going, but i NEED to go. I really need to do this. Part of me wants to stay home, but it will be good for us both, not that anything is bad, but I think we need to cool our jets some and let our bodies rest and our minds not just be fixated sexually so much. And the idea of being on the road in the new vehicle, listening to music, podcasts, in comfort, with all my food and snacks, a blow up mattress in the back if I need to crash, sounds kinda fun if you ask me. Its an adventure and driving through 4 states. I enjoy the travels. If husband didnt have surgery lined up I wouldnt be as wierd about my timing but I have to be back by the end of the month to take him and be here for his care and therapy, etc.

So I pulled my bag out today and set it on the bed to pack my clothing. I hate packing! It takes me forever and I overpack and am thorough so I dont have to buy lots of crap and have what I need for a chunk of time. So I told myself if I leave by Thurs Am, then all will be good, I can make it to the place by Friday early eve. Spend a wk and head back home (instead of 2 wks as I had planned)

We had mothers days, and spend all am in bed and then around noon I got myself together, I needed to eat, and we talked about Pegging happening that eve as I was planning to leave and my husband was so eager for another experience, he also got a new toy for it. Well I ended up making eggs and bacon and then emotionally sorta downshifted, realizing we just needed some aftercare time together of good food, talking, cuddling, comfort, etc.

And it was mothers day, and the things with my kids and the loss of my own mom and mothers day just got me emotional. I didnt think hubby remembered, hes usually really good but he hadnt even said Happy Mothers Day, I didnt hear from my kids and I am not just a sexual being, I am a mother, and a daughter who lost a mom she was very close to not long ago. And I just wanted to cry, and husband didnt forget, but he was trying to be sneaky and left me a card on our bed after we left the room with my teddy bear he gave me, and I didnt know as I wasnt going back in the room, I wish he just said something and handed it to me, so I knew he didnt forget, so I had a little cry, and we sat on the couch together and we talked about our Moms (he lost his around 2 yrs from the time I lost mine) so we both suffered those major loses close to one another, he was at the hospital when his Mom died, I was living out of state and on the phone with my son in the ER as she died and drove home in the middle of the night and she was already moved and no way to see her. All of us kids just sat in Moms living room, stunned and in shock she was gone. Ugh, wow, tears...

so yeah, we switched gears and just talked and cuddled and hung out on the couch together for a good chunk of the day and I told him I had the day off from cooking so he got us food to go from a place in town for me. He told me to table the pegging for another time, and that it was no big deal.

So Monday morning, he was so excited and we had been playing in bed and he was so aroused, I know he was excited at the idea of pegging that eve, as I said it was going to happen and he came pretty quickly from all the talk about it. I showered, got into my groove and baked a quiche, brownies, cut lettuce from the garden and cleaned it all, boiled eggs, so everything ready for a salad that eve. I had everything covered so we didnt have to think about anything come the eve.

Then husband found out a bunch of layoffs and junk at work and spent the day seeing who was cut, and all his employees wondering if they were safe, and having to be in meetings and people reaching out to him in fear, afraid, upset, you name it, so it was a rough day for him as nobody likes to see that happen and him being a manager now people come to him, and he had no say over any of this, didnt know it was coming and who they were cutting. So his head was in a different place, but I knew, he may just need me to peg him so badly after all the day of stress.

I showered, shaved, spent a lot of time in self care after all the kitchen prep.

The weather here has been horrible and windy, to the point I dont want to go outside AT ALL. And my allergies and cough have improved so much since I started to take Serrazymes again. But going outside SUCKS. So we are cooped up, just the two of us, not that this is a bad thing but I do love to be outside and in my yard or on the porch

End of the day came and I didnt know what he needed most as the stress of the day so I just said to decompress and asked him what I could do to help, he said really a drink or an edible was all he wanted. But which one? He opted for the edible, I had a drink, some vodka with my zevia and lime. Still keep it pretty keto around here (brownies were keto as was the quiche and the salad)

We went and sat in our bed and talked some and I said Id put the lingerie on he bought, but needed his help, it had straps and criss cross and all that. I dont find it my fave, but he liked it and picked it, so I will be a good wife and wear it. I did add the garter belt and stockings, and I love them, the stockings are black stripped with lace tops from Amazon and are so pretty and well made. We had everything ready to go, he went to shower and get "prepped" and all that, but, well, in the end? His stomach and body wouldnt allow it to happen and we tabled the it once again because it just wasnt going to happen with a rumbling stomach and he was in the bathroom awhile. So we laid in bed together and laughed and talked some and then I had found this porn vid earlier and I thought it was really hot. Found it in this Sex and Submission series as I had this one video with Tommy Pistol I liked and showed him the scene and why, well as a result found this series and this one with a gal and this dude, she breaks down and walks to his place asking for help and well, you get the idea, he ties her up, bondage style and will help her but what is she going to do for him in return? Its over an hour long and in different scenes and shot really well and sorta artistic and film like but super hot, and many of the scenes made me crazy and I wanted him to see and have discussion (yes we critique things, discuss what is hot, what isnt, what we wouldnt do, what isnt okay, etc)

Well he found it hot too and got a little over zealous and wanted to get right to business and I just wasnt there and shut things down and then was just not feeling it (strike 2!) and I was a little annoyed with him how it all happened and I just needed to talk and be heard, and so once we sat for a bit, he got super sweet and apologetic and cuddly and massaging me and making sure IM okay, I was fine and actually he was trying too hard now to be nice! I told him "Stop trying so hard" and to just talk to me and listen and we laid there, he just went to fast, said he read my cues wrong, I asked "What cues?" see I make us talk about stuff like this, none of this assumption and stuff in your head, you have to communicate, and he totally was just too gung ho, which I get it, I dont fault him for that, sometimes he just needs a reminder to reign it in and be brought back down as I think many guys can still be like a horny teenager inside that just cant wait.

Dont even ask me how things changed, but I just kept thinking to myself "God I wish he would stop trying to be so nice and dominate me" in the way like we were watching when he stopped and tried to jump straight to sex. We were spooning and I laid down on my stomach and he spanked me, OH, Yeah, that flipped the switch, game on. To fingering me, to pushing himself into me as we laid on our sides from behind. Oh I love that, when its just that thrust and its what I needed. I was really wanting to see if he would go for my ass and part of me wanted that.

Well at one point as things were feeling so good, I said "Why dont you get on top of me as I lay on my stomach and keep doing that, do you think you can?" See we have never done that position laying down, I always thought he couldnt (His knees, the position, etc) since we never do, hes not the biggest fan of doggie style but lately hes bend me over the bed from behind and and I like it, so this was a little similar, he got up on top of me, and OH HELLLLLLLOOOOOO! I think they call this the Prone position, WOW

It felt so good, and we had used the Foria Intimacy Oil (Get some, seriously!!! its expensive but worth it!)

And he ended up thrusting me while Im pinned down on the bed in the best way you can imagine, it felt incredible! And we just went at it, and he then got this sleeve he just got, it fits over the guy but makes him bigger and longer and it was a pricey one, he wanted to try it, I was sorta Meh as I didnt want to hurt from it being too big, I told him he was just perfect and fing me perfectly but he asked me to give it a chance, so I agreed but that he would stop right away if it wasnt good for me. Well, it turned out to be fantastic and he just kept fucking me that way and I moaned and had my face buried in the bed and each thrust was so awesome, and we were both so turned on and talking to one another about how amazing this felt. (granted he had an edible, I had a drink and we had the cbd arousal oil) so I think it just made everything even better. But wow, he said "I have a feeling we are going to be in this position a lot in the near future" and he commented on how good it felt also. It was so amazing, seriously, it was so good to the point where we laid in bed for about 30 min discussing how good it was, rating all of our experiences sexually since we have been together and it rates up there with our first night, that it reminded us of it, but more hardcore.

We lay there and talk about how hot and sexy one another is, how much we turn one another on, how much we love one another and are so glad we now are doing these things. And I wonder are there other couples late 40s early 50s like this? We fucked about 3 times in 24 hours.

Listening to the podcast on the sex stories the other day, the woman said that a lot of people, hit age 50 and often go through a divorce and let their Freak Flag fly after because of how long they have been in a marriage and not expressed their true selves sexually, so they start living that out then, and its like exactly where we are, but we are doing it together. Which is amazing, but what are the odds? I mean a few mos ago I wouldnt have believed this would be us.

We got up finally and went to make the salad I had partially prepped, it was getting dark and we were starving! We normally eat much earlier, and all I really wanted to do was hop in the car and go get a burger and a shake, but we were good and ate what I had prepared and it was good and good for us! And I had already made brownies! So we sat on the couch munching on those together and he was so much more relaxed and happy, he used to smoke weed before we were together, living together full time, Im not into it and didnt want it around and didnt like the lack of motivation it gave him to not do as much with his life, and to be honest, when he stopped that it did change. So the edibles arent a norm for us, we just had some leftover from our trip. I had some with him sat eve again but like I said, I notice very little from them, other then a few odd things or I have the munchies, so thats why I opted to just have a splash of vodka in my drink.

We got back in bed and finished the rest of the girl in the truck broken down being tied up and all manner of things happening to her, all the blow jobs, which seriously, turn me on to see and I just want him to want me like that. Im still waiting, he knows he can just call me and say Cmhere, I need this and Im all over it. But hes never taken me up in that manner. The guy in the video would just say "MOUTH" and she would open and hed shove it in between their talking. Oh boy, its dirty but hot.

So by the end, I just said forget this and grabbed at his shorts and scooted back down in the bed, he didnt protest at all and I just went to town, the video he was watching was still playing and he was all riled up and I just sucked and buried my head furiously on his cock, and I tell him how great his is, because it is, its beautiful, and suck and press him in as far back as I can mixed it to the back of my throat practicing as I still have the gag reflex, which I can do a few thrusts and then the gag but I just take a breath, pull back and keep going. I want to and we have discussed it, he knows Im okay, Ive told him Im fine, that it just happens, its a reaction but Im totally still turned on and will keep going. And I do. I grab his ass as IM on my side in the bed and pull it close to me and suck and make it wet and noisy, he loves it, it was more fast and furious last night and he came quickly. I just wish at times he wanted to keep going! I dont want to stop! But hes so sensitive after, I got him to cum twice so far in the same session, but he gets overwhelmed I can tell so I am Nice and just give him a pause and then suck more gently and cleaning him off more sensual and kissing after, no more crazy sucking action going on then.

And we passed out, went right to bed.

Both of us woke up somewhere around 5:30am or so, we are stirring, bathroom break, get back in, snuggle in the dark, like touches and once again the craving for him returns. I just want him back in my mouth and I didnt know if it was just too soon. But once again I said forget it and went for it, he couldnt cum this am, which was fine but he enjoyed every min of it, and he wasnt up to doing anything else, he was so drained from the night before, and so we just played and touched, well, 30 min later, his body said otherwise and he got back on top of me in last nights position and fucked me from behing as I laid on my stomach in the bed and thrusted into me once again and we talked about how good it felt together. Time goes by quickly and the alarm clock starts going, we are always hitting that snooze during sexual encounters to go as long as we can till he has to get to work, luckily he just walks into the other room and turns on the computer. But he tries to at least get a shower and his coffee made first.

Hes down in the basement working out right now, Im glad, was going to urge him to go do that with the work stress, hes under it again today and just walked in and told me he was going to do that, Ill go start the lunch. And maybe start to pack my clothing bag for my trip.

I did get my wave plate, my arm and arm weights and stretching in today. So that was good and felt good!

Oh and my thermography results came back! Much better then I expected, no breast issues, no heart issues, no thyroid, etc,

BUT i did get confirmation on things going on with my upper back/neck area. I had findings of things like adrenal insuffiiciency, chronic stress, firbromyalgia, and it said it was the myofascial muscle (in my t 2 spine) and also lower back. Which I knew something is up and has been up for a long time and we read a book talking about head injuries when your kid affecting you, and I had a chiro tell me long ago that I had a whiplash injury he could tell from the x ray at some point in my life ( was early 20s) so I want to get some focus on my neck, shoulders (noted my deltoid muscles) and that I had vascular insuffiency in my left hand, which is the hand I broke my wrist, had surgery and its given me nueropathy issues off and on, so they are areas now I can focus on. And Im using a fascia blaster, which the larger one works on the myofascial muscle layer that is deeper and thats why it hurts so much for me and why Im beat up in my neck or upper back after a massage, cause I have a lot of tightness and issues there. So lets hope I can get that in better shape.

But was nice to see so many other things didnt show issues or inflammation, other then the sinus stuff and them knowing about my allergies, that showed up.

So yeah, things arent bad around here, I spoke to my oldest son yesterday, he had called moms day and I missed it on the new phone, guess I had it disabled and husband told me
"Hey you disabled the phone and have 4 messages" heard from youngest via text, so it was nice they both reached out on moms day.

I miss them, but they are young adults now and on their own living their lives and probably thing ole mom is just a staunch christian lady or who knows what. I was close to them, when they were with me, loved on them so much, and I miss that, thats the one thing, when we do see one another, my 6ft son will lay over my lap on the couch, they are both huggers and snugglers and we always did that all their lives, so even though they may seem distant, those times when I do see them, I at least know they are still wanting to crawl up next to Mom and get that comfort. They are both really handsome boys, but have grown up in this entitled generation, which I didnt raise them that way, but I know envied their friends, and thought they should have had a lot more things and privileges, although the oldest has admitted many times I did things the right way or my youngest comments when he see kids acting up that they need to spend time with me. THat I know how to handle it. (Ha!)

Anyways, off to make lunch

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