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I'm not crazy
Whenever we aren't in the middle of one of these disagreements, I feel like I'm over reacting. I question myself- am I asking for too much? Is it really illogical to say I want my own identity? Have I really inconvenienced him when I do anything without him? Do I really handle things poorly? I need to start remembering the examples.
When Bryan was here, he was working on the kitchen. He did say ahead of time we would be doing that, but he told me it was ok for Bryan to come. I mentioned that Bryan would want to go to lunch or something. But when Bryan got here, he kept finding thing after thing for me to help with. He had me carrying the counters and Hayden just stood there opening doors. I could tell Hayden wanted/expected to help, but he ended up just sitting in his phone. Every time I walked into the living room to sit and talk to Bryan, he looked up annoyed, like how dare you walk out of here when we are working. It seemed very obvious to me that he was trying to drag it out, even though he said he was trying to work super quick because we put pressure on him. I was very agreeable until it looked like we were at a good stopping point. I asked if would be ok for us to run out, and he threw his hands up and said "I GUESS!!" When I later asked him why he didn't have Hayden help, bc he had specifically asked me just to do the measurements, he gave me this story about how Hayden doesn't live here and it's not fair to expect him to help. Whatever.
When I went to dinner with my brother and his fiance- as soon as they left from dropping me off he was pissed. "So Dave went with you guys, but I wasn't good enough to get an invitation?" Then he demanded to know why I wouldn't ASK as soon as I knew he was coming. As if I had slighted him by not refusing to go with them. He genuinely was still upset this morning about it.
The odd thing is, he never seems to think it's necessary to tell ME when Amber is stopping over, or when he needs to pay for things for her. When it comes from MY account, we should discuss it. When it goes on HIS credit card, I don't need to know. Even though I just paid the damn thing off, 3.5k. He has never thought it relevant to tell me when they borrow money, nor when they don't pay it back. Any time he is on his phone, it's always Amber, but for some reason his conversations don't make it into the discussion. But God forbid I forget ONE DETAIL of any conversation I HAD that I don't tell him.
Then there is this Facebook conversation. Checking my friends list every day to see if I added anyone? I'm not crazy, that's strange, right? So I add some guy and he is LIVID over the possibility that this guy might send me an inappropriate message. Why would I even take the risk to add someone I am not friends with? He admitted he over reacted and apologized... So I add the guy back (I had deleted) AND HE FLIPS OUT AGAIN!! Like, voice shaking mad. And the thing is, it's not like one situation is a big deal. I don't care about adding people on FB. It's just the big picture, feels wrong that I can't make that decision. But I absolutely hate talking it out for hours when I know I will never win. I eventually just give in to make it stop.