Gentleman ♀

I Hate Middle School
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2022-05-02 20:42:15 (UTC)

I... Am Not Good At Writing


Ummmmmmm. I don't really know what to talk about... Nothing interesting has happened lately. There are 17 days of school left though which is cool. I don't know whether to be sad or not cause on the one hand, there's no more homework, waking up early, or talking to some of the annoying kids I really don't want to ever see again (no offense Katie but I'm not reading your 8, 20 chapter long books on a series I've never even read). But on the other hand, I'll never really see Mr. Grove again, I'll have a LOT more free time in which to ponder my existence, and I won't be able to see my friends every day! Hell, maybe I'll never see some of them again! I mean, close friends like Vinny, Olivia, Riley, and Kiarra are locked in place but what about Emma or Quinn or Wyatt or Scarlette? I mean, I know I'm not the closest with all of them but they're still my friends!... Maybe they're not really my friends though... Like Jack (from 6th-grade gym class) or 99% of those drama club girls? I was friends with them! We smiled and laughed and saw each other almost every day. I even emailed Jack outside of school and during classes, but as soon as we weren't required to see each other or their other friends became an option to hang out with we became strangers. Strangers! In a matter of days! I don't want that to happen with any of my friends you know? I guess it's not really in my control though. Friendship is a two-sided thing, I'll put in my part of the effort, or more than my part of the effort even, and if they don't want to contribute at all then I'll drop them. Or I'll let them drop me I guess.

Speaking of friends though, things are still going well with Vinny. He seems more like himself every day! I don't know what was up but whatever it is doesn't seem to be bothering him nearly as much as it was before. He disassociates less, talks more, and (although I'll never admit it to him) that brilliant smile and friendly aura that followed him around wherever he went is back. Can we talk about that more actually? If I told any of my real-life friends they'd think I was weird or think I have a crush on Vinny or something but I don't. He's just my best friend! But seriously, that aura. I don't know what it is! I can't figure it out! Everywhere he goes there's this constant feeling of pure joy that follows him around. I know hoe insane it sounds but it's completely true. You can't even get mad at him it's so strong. And his smile- don't get me started! (Once again, I know how this sounds but I know how I feel and it's completely platonic thanks) It's so bright and happy that you have to smile too. And how happy he gets when someone laughs at his dumb jokes. I always make sure to laugh just to see it. Today actually, I was talking to Riley and missed one of his jokes. Everyone else laughed so I asked him to tell it again. I think it was something like "Homosapiens? More like homosexuals!" To say the least, I wasn't super amused. He looked at me and said something like "wow, not even a smile?" then teased me a bit about it. I had to smile at that, I love my friends so much. I literally can't describe to you how much I love them. If I had to though, it's like I could just explode if I loved them anymore. It makes me want to squeal like a fangirl and run around like I drank 20 cups of coffee. It's such a great feeling. I think that's what makes it hurt so bad when they hurt. When the light that shines off of them dulls. I know it's kind of sappy and poetic but that's how I'd describe it. Like a halo of happiness that's almost blinding at times. So thank god the light is finally lighting up. It makes my day, year, and my life. <3

It's the next day now and I brought cookies to school! It's only pride so I've only given one to Wyatt but he seemed to appreciate it (kind of) so that's good. They're snickerdoodle, which I didn't think I'd like but they're actually pretty good. I feel kind of bad though... I don't know if it's because of MAPS testing or what but when I told Vinny and Olivia that I'd brought in cookies for them they didn't seem to care whatsoever. And like I said, Wyatt didn't seem too excited either. I didn't even get a thank you, not even a smile! I mean, I guess they don't have to smile or be thankful if they're not but I'd honestly rather them just pretend to appreciate my effort than this. It's okay though, I get it. No hard feelings! (Update, it's after school) So, I gave them the cookies and it went alright. Nobody seemed super excited about it, which is understandable, but at least they thanked me this time TUT. I'm probably just being dramatic, I need to get over myself lol.

I saw Quinn twice today. The first time she was hanging out in the bathroom with her friends when I just so happened to walk in. She saw me, said... wait have I told you my name yet? I'm not sure if I have... I know Rose knows and if you were to ask me I'd probably tell you but I guess I'll keep it to myself for now. Anyways she was like "[Gentlemannnnnnnnn]!" and she walked up to me with her arms open and gave me a hug. I didn't know she was the hugging type. I'm glad she is though. After we finished hugging and let go I looked at her and said I liked her earrings. I thought it was kind of a shallow compliment but I wasn't sure if we were on "omg you're sooooo fucking hotttttttt" terms or not so I went with the first thing that stuck out (other than her gorgeous nails cause I've probably complemented them more times than we can count). I guess I totally misjudged what terms we were on though cause she told me I was "so pretty!" AAAAAAAAAAAAA! My brain shut down at that dude. By the time I had processed what she said I had already thanked her and was in the stall. I'm so happy! But dude, if I'm pretty, she must be some sort of greek goddess. No joke. Everything about her is gorgeous. Her hair, her face, her personality, her voice, her clicky nails, her style, everything she does is just mesmerizing. Next time I see her I've got to get her number or something. And 101% let her know how gorgeous she is.

Something cool that's been going on lately is my re-addiction to fanfiction. Hey that kinda rhymed. But anyways, I've had Back To Normalcy (my FNAF fic if you didn't know) on hold for months. I didn't even let anyone know it was on hold till like- yesterday! I'm working on reading though it again though, just to get a renewed feel for the characters and how I write them.Then I'm gunna try and get back into writing more chapters. I've been dying to write some Foxy/Monty since I learned it existed and if I can get the next few chapters done, I might be able to add some in! I have a plan for the story, a basic outline, but the hard part in filling in the inbetweens. You've gotta get the pacing right, the personalitys consistent, and character development is a must! And yet I seem to struggle a lot with all of those. I tend to write chapters, edit them, post them, then go back and read them a few days later. After that I edit them again to strengthen the personalities and correct some grammar I missed. It's not convienient in the least but it works. A great example of me struggling with character development and pacing is this Foxy/Monty stuff I want to write. I started with Monty being kinda mean to Foxy and scaring him with his aggressiveness but my plan is to have Foxy see the good in him and maybe even find him crying or something cheesy like that. Don't judge me okay? It's my fanfic and I LIVE for fictional drama. The problem is though, how do I get Foxy and Monty to slowly get closer and fall in love without it seeming too fast or too boring? What about how it messes with other character dynamics? Like Roxy and Foxy. My plan was to have Foxy be super clingy to Roxy but I also see him being super clingy to Monty when they get together... And I also wanted Roxy to be clingy to Chica but I haven't incorporated that at all other than maybe 2 mentions of the ship! It's a mess!

I'll figure it out though, I guess. I have to. But first Imma list some more nonsensical story details so I can think about them and how to fix them. A big problem with the whole story is this overarching theme I wanted to input. There's supposed to be this whole thing where all the animatronics believe they're the only one who can cry but they slowly figure out that they're all emotional wrecks or something like that but I can't tell how to write it good! As I have it now it seems like it's not mentioned enough but if I add it in any more times it seems like it's too much. AND, I have Foxy reveal to Roxy and Monty that he can cry in chapter 8 or something like that but that ruins the whole "Monty thinks he's the only one who can cry" thing plus nobody even reacts to it that much. They do in subtext but I don't know if it's enough. If I flat out statd it though it'd seem too forced. OUGH! I don't know what to do! I mean, I guess I could make Monty feel weak while crying... or maybe Foxy'll make him comfortable enough to cry when he didn't even know he could! See, I knew brainstorming would help! I'll have to think about those.

But it's time for more flaws, but this time character flaws! Yay!... First up is Roxy. She's supposed to be mean and nice at the same time. Scared of rejection and constantly having to reassure herself that she's amazing while also staying calm for Foxy. As she'll struggle to hide her mean side from Foxy and nice side from the rest of her friends I'll be struggling right alongside her while trying to write this dramatic crap! Great. I also thought about making her talk to herself but it kinda ruins the story... I don't wanna take away from her cannon details though. It's rough. Next up is Foxy! The scared little firework of a pirate fox. Now he's supposed to be a scared little kicked puppy whos afraid of rejection and being trashed again, while also being an outgoing, excited, firework! I've tried to work it in as him being scared but slowly showing Roxy his outgoing side but idk if it's going too fast. I'm worried I made him too trusting of her. And he has this stutter which I can't quite decide on. Between writing his accent and writing his stutter it kinda gets hard. At first, I was gunna make it a vocal glitch but now I'm thinking of making it part of his personality. It was also supposed to get fixed by Roxy, then fade away as he gains confidence, but now I think I'll just keep it. It'll still get better as his confidence rises but It'll forever be there as a character trait. Headcannon even, if Glamrock Foxy was cannon... Now for Monty's problems. First I wrote an entire chapter of him being too mean. And now, after rewriting the whole thing, I'm afraid he's too nice. Writing characters is hard TUT.

Next up are the characters I haven't really introduced yet, like Chica, Freddy, and maybe Bonnie. We'll do Chica first. Her whole character thing is still an eating dissorder type thing. Just like in the game I guess. There's not too much wrong with it but I do think that it could cause some problems. I'm afraid it might just not fit in very well with the rest of the story. I might be able to fix it though by having the story diverge into 2 or 3 parts. Foxy and Roxy are the two main characters and I might add Bonnie in if I'm not sick of writing it by then so it could work. The A story will be Foxy and Monty trying to work out whatever the hell's up with them, the B story will be Roxy and Chica dealing with their shit, and (if I have time) the C story will be Bonnie re-existing and Freddy and him getting into a relationship. The problems with Freddy are his personality. He's still gotta be Freddy, I'm just trying to make him accidentally abusive af. Hear me out okay? I have Monty and Freddy in a relationship rn because Freddy was the only one to accept Monty at first. But after they got together Monty started to realize that Freddy's just accidentally using him to get over the disappearance of Bonnie. My plan is to have Freddy be super loving and supportive of Monty sometimes, and then do a complete 180 at random times and be distant for no reason. I like the idea, I just don't know how to execute it without either forcing it in your face or barely letting you know. My last problem is Bonnie. I don't even know if I'm gunna add him in so he doesn't have too many problems yet but from what could happen, there's more than desired. Like, how am I going to introduce him after he went missing? When is the right time to introduce him? And how is he going to feel about Freddy being an abusive little shit? I'll figure it out eventually but for now I have no clue. My last problem with everything is how it all diverges from the main story. If I have them split off into Foxy and Monty, Roxy and Chica, and Freddy and Bonnie, it won't be true to the starting point. I know that people do that a lot and that it's okay but I usually don't like it when a new story arises. You read it for the described story not an extra one. Some people enjoy it but I usually don't. It's okay though I guess. I'll figure it out.

I know that was a lot of random shit that you don't really care about but it's my dairy so whatever. Something else I've been getting into again is drawing. I got this tiny notebook from that con I went to and at first, I regretted it but now I love it. It's so discrete and the teeny tiny papers make it way easier to draw on, since the drawings don't have to fill up a huge page. I started with a drawing of my purse which is kinda yuck but then I started drawing patterns and illusions in all sorts of colors which is great. I wrote a mediocre poem that I'll have to post on here sometime an I drew some MHA characters that I'm really proud of! The first one is one fo crying Bakugou (cause I loveeeee me some fictional drama), the second one is Kirishima using his quirk, and the third one is Denki just kinda smiling at you. I love these characters so much UuU. It's been a while since I posted a new entry so Imma post this one now. I'll write again soon! Buh bye!

~ Gentleman