Evolving marriage
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2022-04-28 20:34:42 (UTC)

Cheating and Affairs

Dear Diary,
Okay back from lunch. Sales guy took me to eat and bought the lunch. That was nice, I was thinking we should get him a gift card for a place to eat in town or something as a thankyou, well hes a foodie like we are and his fave place is owned by the guy where we live! And part of what made us love going to the town we ended up moving too, the food was so good we would travel there and stay for anniversaries for a wknd. Texted hubby said our guy took me to get lunch and he said "Oh young guys taking you on dates now?" with a kissy face. We chatted about food and restaurants, his kids, him talking of moving to Az and me telling him the cons of where he is looking at going. He was born in 89, ah the year before I graduated high school. Crazy when you get older and talk to people and the differences in age. I dont feel "Old" exactly, but I dont think Im a teenager anymore, but husband and I were talking about when we were younger, how people over 50 seemed OLD, Seniors etc

But we dont think 50 looks the same as it did when it was our parents and we were younger.

So we are listening to Esther Perels booking I think its called The Anatomy of an Affair, super fascinating!! I highly recommend it! We arent done yet but listened on the drive to Vegas and Home. Still have more to go. But she is talking about affair in Western Culture and how its like the unforgiveable sin, once a cheater always a cheater, dump him, file for divorce right away, etc.

But she goes into all of her experience in therapy and couples and affairs. And that it is survivable, and the reasons, nothing to justify anything, but its basically the approach of how we view it in Western culture and how affairs are still highly happening and people do them in happy and unhappy marriages and its going strong in our culture, but its so highly judged, so how can we come at it differently and deal with it? Lots of thought provoking talks and questions, ways of shifting your thinking, shes really good!

Husband and I were talking about taboo type things, honesty, and all that stuff, just how things have been for us for almost 20 yrs, and it was just because we were both afraid, both afraid of judgement, I had moral reasons for holding back some things also, and if you had talked to me 2 yrs ago about certain things I would have had a different response/reaction. And it wouldnt have gone as well, but back at that time, when my husband was closed off, angry, shutting me down sexually he couldnt have brought up a sexual fantasy like pegging. It wouldnt have gone well, I would have been like WTF? I would have been curious to see what it was, but then I would have thought "This guy doesnt want to have sex with me, and he wants me to do THIS? What is he secretly gay?" or something like that I would have thought of. I mean I didnt even know what pegging was until a few mos ago. He has known about it since his 20s, and femdom, but how its evolved now and isnt so femdom in the approach, lots more of it removing the degrading aspect of it is happening. I like to call it Sensual Pegging, thats more my speed with most things, Im more about sensuality involved with Kink. Not abuse or degradation, not really my speed of things, I know it does it for some others, just not for me. No choking, spitting or crapping(literally) on one another, but hey, there are people who are into that too. Just not me.

So last night we were laying on the couch and talking and I asked him things like "Have you ever sucked or wanted to suck a guys dick or thought about it?" Hes pretty open, I figured Id know the answer, but I wanted to ask, because of the pegging thing, some of the play outs are of women having the guys suck the dildo and since we have been discussing the flip side of each side of things for us to experience, I thought, Hmm you know, guys love blow jobs, and you would think they know all about them, buts its totally different being on the other side of it, and he said yes he wonders what its like, but he has no interest in doing that with a guy, and nothing ever happened when he was younger, but he said if he could reach his own dick with his mouth he would have tried it and broke his neck to keep repeating it, haha.

I asked the same question of myself, because Im not into women, I dont crave going down or feeling what its like to lick a woman, BUT I do think I could do a good job of it, and have often heard that about women, that they can perform good oral on one another because they know what to do and understand the female body better, and that makes sense, and I could agree with that, but who knows?

I asked if there are any other taboos or fantasies we havent discussed, and really the only others which have been mentioned were 3 somes, 2 girls and him or 2 guys and me. But they arent have toos or anything like that, but they do bring him curiosity and wondering what it would be like. He said in regards to 2 women hes all "Man though, you wonder how that would go, what if I got nervous, couldnt perform, or got started and lost it, and I have to let 2 women down?" now he said if he could pull off pleasing 2 women he would feel like a King.

In the 2 guy scenario, he said that would be hot, as woman can go longer, women can keep going, they can be pleasured and have more endurance for that type of thing and he things watching me would be hot. Which hes said that before. I said it sounds like it could be, but then when I think deeper about it all, planning it, stds, arrangements, who the person is, how does that look, are they a stranger, do they leave right away? on and on. But then the idea of seeing my husband with another women in a 3 some, makes me sad, like I think I wouldnt do well, jealous and he discussed that also "Oh did I pay enough attn to her, did I focus too much over here or there, etc " lots of complexities to it all emotionally not just sexually.

I said also "Do you think me talking about these things means I want to do them?" He said No, and I said good, because at times I share and enjoy talking about these things, but I just want to make sure he didnt think it was a green light to do it, He said "NO when you want to do something YOU are VERY clear with me that you want to do something.

Its sorta like right now, we are in this new experimentation phase, which I think many people would do together, and I told him how I wanted to plan wknd getaways with him when we first dated to have these types of experiences but he was resistant, a grump, refused, didnt want to go, had an attitude, and just squashed all that for me early on in our relationship, even a therapist suggested he had intimacy issues. He chocks it up to testosterone and being broke, but eh, I think its more then that and always will as much as he protests.

Its a piece of it, but not all of it.

But then there are a lot of kinky older couples out there, once the kids are up and gone.

What happens, why do some people just go dead in the bedroom

Or go traditional with no deviation or exploration

And why do some dive in and keep exploring?

So as we talked last night, we started to get frisky and agreed to go to the bedroom, he went to do a quick shower, by the time he got back, I hit a wall, got tired and a little achy and told him, he laughed and said "Its okay Im feeling urpy tonight, acid reflux, maybe we should just squash it and get some sleep" and he got in bed. We flipped off the lights but I said "Can I show you something kinky though?" He said "Sure" and I showed him this bdsm couple, we watched a few vids, we both rated how their moans and squeals were, its an amateur couple but with a little nicer production value, we both found the noises he and she made turn offs, funny huh? and we both agreed she is not squirting but urinating, so I wasnt alone in my thought on that.

But the blow job and tied up videos, her suspended and him in her mouth and him using one of those F machines on her while she gives him a blow job, were both hot to watch, he enjoyed that.

My husband is more tech minded, aspie brain, he likes mechanisms and systems, so his fixations at times can be different then mine, or many guys, because of how his brain works. And I just embrace that part, sometimes it might seem "Wierd" and I often ask questions to try and understand, sometimes he can seem a bit defensive when I ask, but I truly want to understand and then he has to be vulnerable and break it down for me, and we often do okay in the end when we are just honest and open.

I was touching him as we watched, and the sucking scenes made me crave him. I finally said it was time to close up the laptop, and I put it away, lights are out and I just scooted down in his lap and told him to turn on his side, so ideal when you are tired, and dont have to prop yourself up or any of that stuff, just nestle in his groin and snuggle in and suck, its comforting in a strange way, like a pacifier feeling, laying in the dark up against your man you love and sucking, it doesnt have to be crazy, it can be slow and rhytmic, you can mix it up, change things, and it didnt take much last night, he was very aroused and he came pretty quickly. And I just smile. Is that wierd? I feel a sense of accomplishment that I did that, I made him feel good and I did that thing and enjoyed it tremendously. Like I feel pride in doing it? Does this even make sense? Do other people feel that about such things? I like knowing I can please my husband and put him to sleep and leave him something wonderful to think on.

We went to sleep after that and then another day starts, we snuggle a lot more, hold each other close, he hits snooze a lot longer now and holds me or carresses me, or me him or vice versa, sometimes its back scratches, I use my nails and am firm scratching all up and down his back and the back of his head, he loves that and makes a puppy panting sound to express his like for it, which is cute.

I said "Are we going to do stuff when I travel?" I mean we havent been apart really since this whole libido thing changed, we have maybe gone a day or 2 total of NO sexual type of activity since, so 2 wks seems like a while now for us! I said "Will we talk dirty on the phone or go on skype of something?" He said "Probably all of the above" so who knows. Im so used to getting away from him but I havent done so since last yr, when it used to be about ever 3 mos Id leave for 3 wks at a time and travel home or other places. THe sex wasnt a big deal, it wasnt any different, it just meant it would happen right when I got home from my trip. Hes always said he doesnt do as well when Im gone, he doesnt sleep well, he missed me in bed, even when the sex wasnt happening much, he was always a snuggler. And hes always like having me around if you will, me on the other hand needed the space.

Which now I dont encourage, also I said "Thank you for fucking my thrifting addiction out of me" as seriously I have no interest in it really since we have started to have sex so much. I mean its been my life and my way of coping but was it really tied to sex? I still marvel over this.

Im sitting here and a couple sat right next to me and now shes on her phone loud right next to me, ugh, makes it hard to concentrate and type, there are chairs across from me, go sit there. Well this has been good, has given me a nice chunk of time to sit here and type out thoughts.

Am I just sex obsessed now? I mean I think of doing a vlog, or a page, I was listening to the interest in pantyhose and the pages dedicated to it on instagram and found it fascinating, this woman sells her pantyhose she wears, and all kinds of things like that. Makes me think of when eBay first started and women were selling soiled panties and I marveled over those ads and how much they were selling for (before eBay cracked down on the listings) and I thought "Hmm I could do that" Now granted Im not talking of doing that. All kinds of things, blogs, podcasts, channels, you can make your own porn and wear masks and be anonymous, etc.

Just thoughts, not saying its what I will do, but things to have fun thinking about

Well no word yet on my vehicle, hope they get done soon! The sales guy said the tint will probably only take an hour or so, since its just the drivers and passenger ones to match the rest of the vehicle.

Well I guess thats it for now. My big sis tried calling back, and I want to go sit elsewhere to talk to her, not with others next to me. Later