I Hate Middle School
I don’t really know what to write, nothing new’s happened since yesterday. We’re getting a new pool and a new trampoline but there’s not much more to that. I’m in Ohio so the weather’s been crazy lately. Two days ago there was snow on the ground but today it’s 77°F out (25°C). I’m so glad it’s warm out today though. It’s only 12:25 but it feels like it should be 6pm by now. I’m so glad I didn’t waste all of today. I was thinking of hanging out with Vinny but he’s at his dads so I can’t call him. I sent him an email with my number telling him to call me from his dads phone but idk when the next time he’ll check his email will be. I hope we can hang out this weekend though, I’ve been trying to hang out for weeks but he’s always got something going on. It’s not like he’s been avoiding me because he tries to plan things too. We just have the worst luck.
Something new that’s kind of happened recently was this thing I asked on discord. I’m a dumb teenager who has zero clue how anything works so try not to judge me too hard. I was just curious and had a few questions. I’ll tell you about the first two here then the last one in the next paragraph since it’s pretty different. The first two were pretty much me asking if it was weird to offer to (non-sexually) experiment with someone. I just- I’m just curious and maybe if Olivia or someone else wanted to… idk do something without dating or anything… maybe I just needed to know what to say and what was accepted. I asked this to some people on an LGBTQ discord server and they said that if both of us consented it was completely normal and not at all weird. Thank god for that but I’m not sure if I could ever offer that to someone. I guess it’s still good to know if the time felt right though. Better to know and not need than to need and not know.
Then the third one was if I could go by she/him and be genderfluid while still being female and dressing fem. This one’s been confusing me for a while and I guess it’s just nice to get someone’s opinion or input. I have short hair, like pixie cut short, and sometimes people mistake me for a boy. Some people think I hate it or that I’m embarrassed by it but I actually really like it. I’m not sure why but I really like being mistaken for a boy, to the point where sometimes I’m almost disappointed when they find out I’m a girl. (Rose, if you’re reading this… no comment) But yeah, I guess it just got me thinking. I’ve also tried makeshift binders and stuff, never outside of my room, but I really like it. I don’t think I’m a trans man but I also don’t think I fully like being female… idk, this is all weird. The people on the site said that it’s totally okay and that gender doesn’t equal pronouns which doesn’t equal presentation. I don’t think I’ll tell my real life friends (or family cause they’re kinda transphobic-) about the pronouns or gender or anything but I’ll definitely have to experiment online and stuff.
Sorry this entry is so short, I’ll probably elaborate more in the next one, but I’m tired and a pretty boring person lol. I’ll write again soon, buh bye!