~Bex~

FeelThat
2022-04-21 00:28:10 (UTC)

Telling L

So I decided I was defo gonna tell L about my feelings for RS. I’d been dreading it but I needed to grow up and just start being Dream Bex not normal Bex.

I’d been planning what to say and I decided that if I did it all myself I wouldn’t say the right stuff or I’d just back out. IC agreed to help me to do something. I knew I wouldn’t say the write shit so I told her to ask me questions and copy and paste my answers into a big paragraph.

She asked me a load of questions and I gave veeeery lengthy answers. We decided that I was just gonna send it to L once she replies to my ‘Hi’ and that way all my feelings would be out. After asking me a load of questions I was looking through my answers and then it hit me.

I’m in love with RS.

I’m in fucking love with him.

It’s not just a crush, I’m in love with him.

I’ve never been in love before and maybe that’s cos I believe that u only fall in true love once (which I know sounds cheesy but I do).

And u could say ‘oh well how do u know it’s love’ - answer - I just do.

I felt it hit me when I read through my answers.

It kinda scared me at fist to realise it so I was freaking out over text with IC and she was trying to distract me, but it wasn’t working. I kept asking myself why but I had no answers. When I’m bored or when I’m just looking to convince myself or to just occupy my mind I do some nice shitty quizzes online. I did one I’d done about a month or two back about if it’s a fling, crush, infatuation, love, true love. Last time it said crush. Yh this time it said ‘u are in deep, true love’ and that freaked me out more. I was kinda hoping that it would tell me differently. But it didn’t.

I guess I’ve just accepted it now. I love RS - nice.

Anyways. The next afternoon I asked her to send me the paragraph to send to L and then I remembered she’s dyslexic and paragraphs aren’t necessarily helpful and they’d stress her out. So I took my time separating the paragraph into little lines to send individually.

I was supposed to be doing my hw but I needed to send L the thing. When I went to go send it WhatsApp wouldn’t open cos I didn’t have enough storage .. great. No matter how much photos I deleted that I didn’t need it wouldn’t let me in.

Then I decided to transfer a ten min video and a load of five min vids onto my computer and then a usb so that way I could delete them from my phone. It took all evening to do that.

Finally at about 12:20 I sent L a ‘hi u up?’ She didn’t reply so after about a half hour I put ‘nvm lol’ then I said ‘I might text u tomorrow cos I need to talk to u bout something’. I was so proud of taken the first step to dream Bex. I felt ready to tell L. There were no regrets or even worries - I felt good about it.

The next day she texted me and I’m not supposed to be at the age for boys and crushes and stuff according to my parents so I had to act fast. L had replied ‘Yh whatever u need’ and so I took a deep breath and put ‘I still like RS’. I didn’t wanna put ‘love’ cos for me it’s hard saying it to ppl and especially as she likes him that way too.

I mean she’s said she wasn’t ever gonna do anything about it probs but I’d still felt guilty before cos she was saying all this stuff about how she trusted me and shit. I still decided that it was a good move towards being honest and open about things.

She replied after saying ‘it’s ok Dw. U can’t control how u feel so it’s chill.’ I realised that there was no need for the massive paragraph and I was overthinking things again. That’s why I need to be more like Dream Bex. She lives a more problem and stress free life. Not completely stress free but more stress free than I am 100%.

We talked about it and she said not to worry cos we’re cool and there’s nothing gonna separate us cos it’s not a big deal and shit. Man if she knew how much I like him! I feel really relieved now. It’s definitely a weight off my shoulders. I’m still a bit hesitant to how chill she really is in the inside cos obvs it was over text so I couldn’t c her face or anything but we’ll just have to c at scl.

I love my friends. I really do.
And.

I love RS.

(I’m not gonna deny it anymore - feelings are feelings there’s no need to deny them)

Love u guyssss

Bex xxx




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